FR: 12/18-20 Explorations

                This field report is going to basically go over two separate nights.

                Thursday: I met up with some friends to head to the Mat Zo concert. We pregamed a bit at Flow’s house, and had some conversation about books and more. It was good to get social before heading out by getting comfortable being out of my head.

                We headed to the Royale and got inside. I went back outside with KingMelons to smoke, and saw a really hot 2 set. I opened them directly, and told them I wanted to talk to them because they were cute. It went fairly well from the beginning, and we thought of some friends in common and talked about casual shit like travelling and music. They told me they were rolling, so I didn’t want to pursue it further since I was just drunk. I have become uncomfortable with the idea of hitting on girls who are that fucked up since they aren’t themselves really. So I kind of the set when we went back inside and they went to the dance floor, but it was no big deal.

                Melons and I went to meet up with a girl who has been in our friend group for a bit, and we found her with a different crew. We talked a bit, and then Melons left her and I alone. I remember bumping into her jokingly with my ass, and after that she was all over me and we were making out. I don’t exactly know how this happened… Anyway I was unsure of whether I wanted to take her home or not. Later in the night I went and found her, realizing that I wanted to, and said “I want to take you home.” I think this was retarded in retrospect, I could have just as easily said “let’s go watch a movie.” This would have had no sexual implication. Honestly I don’t know if that really made a difference ultimately, since she turned it down anyway and said we should just get food later in the week. So it’s all good I am trying to make that happen at the moment.

                I opened another girl next to me on the dance floor, and told her I like her style. She kind of nonchalantly kept dancing so I didn’t try too hard. After this we decided to leave because the sound system at the Royale was so fucking overwhelming we were all in pain.

                Saturday: I went out to a dinner party with some friends where we played Cards Against Humanity. It was kind of boring but it got me in a social mood before we headed out.

                I met up with other friends to go to the Scholar. Great fucking venue by the way I loved it. I did one approach simply asking what a girl’s name was. She told me her name was Daria and we talked about Beavis and Butthead for a sec, but I think she was egging me on to hit on her because her alpha BF was nearby and she wanted a reaction. Or maybe she was just drunk who the fuck knows. Anyway he walked up next to her and grabbed her, completely alphaing me, I was just watching and came up with a quick way to not get hit in the face. I said that he shouldn’t worry about me because I’m gay, to which he responded that he could tell. So that was that and I left.

                Later I approached this girl who I spent about an hour talking to. She seemed chill and well put together, I liked how our conversation was flowing easily. I asked her Mark Manson’s polarizing questions. 1. Are you single? 2. Do you think I’m cute. 3. Why aren’t you making out with me. She responded that she wasn’t single but didn’t really have a bf. What? So I took that as not a rejection at the time. I decided to keep going with her and keep a conversation going. About 30 minutes later I tried to kiss her again and she said she can’t, not now. I got her number but I texted her today and she hasn’t responded. At this point I feel like I wasted an hour. So in the future when I ask the three questions, if the girl has a boyfriend or even a smidgen of a relationship, I should just fucking leave and not waste my time. I mean fuck. This was just stupid that I invested that much effort into it for her to blow me off.

                Saturday sucked but at least I got into a conversation, which shows I’m making progress. I don’t usually have long conversations with girls out. Also I didn’t get blown out really at all this weekend, which is huge for me. My approaches are getting dialed.

Thoughts/SP:

1.       When going for the pull, say something innocuous

2.       Don’t waste time if she has a BF, I could have found a more receptive girl that night if I kept looking. Maybe find a better way to define the line between unresponsive and neutral.

3.       My style has been improving, and that gave me significantly more confidence and better reactions this weekend. I should stick with well-fitting clothing and matching clothing etc.

4.       Remember to address the social awkwardness that comes with cold approach (I know this is weird that I’m just coming to talk to you blah blah). That worked wonders for making a girl more comfortable at first. 

FR: Holly Jolly Santacon

12/6/2014

I went out dressed as Santa Claus tonight. It was a Santacon spectacle. 

Here is what happened:

I approach one girl in a group of 5 girls. Her name was Jen, but that was the last thing I heard from her before I ejected from the set. It was going decently well, but I remember Jen stepping away from me backward while we were talking. I was doing better than I usually do for a first opener… I was trying to use Jeffy’s idea of saying something other than hi to initiate the conversation. Good afternoon worked far better than hi normally does to his credit.

We bullshitted but I can’t remember about what exactly. Her friend to the left of me started interjecting. She pulled my Santa beard on my face then started dancing. It seems like she was maybe doing this as a shit test or just to see what I would do. Jen seemed to ignore me once my attention was on her friend. Then they were both ignoring me so it got awkward and I left. I probably should have stayed in set but it was getting weird. Maybe I should work on not ejecting honestly. I can’t remember what we talk about at all god damn, drinking is not good for remembering gaming.

The next girl I approached walked in front of me at the bar… like she was going to cut me. I asked her if she could buy me a drink since she would get drinks sooner than me anyway. Her friend behind her was really cute and so I asked her what she was dressed as. She said she was a snowman. She didn’t give me her undivided attention, and kept looking between her phone and her friend buying the drinks. I should maybe try to get undivided attention harder if possible in these situations. It seemed like it wasn’t happening with her. I reinitiated when she was fucking with her little hat which was on her head that looked like a birthday cone. I made them laugh about it but again it stalled out. 2 sets are hard, because the friends keep distracting the girl. I need to only do two sets if I have a wing. I just walked away because it wasn’t going anywhere.

The next set I did was outside the venue. There was a really cute girl so I walked up to her and asked her if she would be my Mrs. Claus. She was smiling and seemed receptive. However she was looking at her friend and the friend seemed unhappy with me hitting on the girl. She was eventually said “bye” to me in a pretty rude way. It is kind of shitty that these friends don’t give their homies a chance. I tried to stay and save it for a bit but I don’t really know what to do in that situation. Her friend was just awkwardly trying to get me to leave (I just remembered that I should try Tyler’s attempt at disabling the cock block by offering to buy the friend dinner). My buddies were leaving the set so I just rolled the fuck out with them.

So later I did a set in the next bar we went to. I opened the set by spilling my drink on their feet by accident because someone walked into me (LOL). So that one went fairly well, I talked to her for like twenty minutes, but honestly it ended up going nowhere. We had a sort of ongoing joke about her being santas helper and me being santa but that seemed to be the only topic of the conversation and when I tried to move it forward it didn’t exactly go anywhere. Anyway I had a good revalation from this set. It was that when people call me young, or say I’m too young to be hitting on them (which happens quite a bit) I can reframe this. The way I did it was by saying “you guys aren’t that old, c’mon now!” So this assumes that I am not young, just that they have low self-esteem, and I am boosting their confidence actually. It is a pretty simple frame control adjustment. I will have to use this in the future. The set stalled out and I tried to use social proof to get back in a bit by interacting with my friends, which they walked near. But this didn’t work, because I tried to take a selfie with the girl but she wouldn’t do it when I reengaged. Maybe I should allow more time to take place between sets? I don’t really know but the thing failed so I moved on.

The last set I did was a disaster because I couldn’t hear the girl. But I approached her with a natural friend of mine and learned a bit from watching him. He was very grounded when talking to his girl. He seemed like he was getting somewhere with her when the girl I was trying to talk to pulled his girl away because our conversation was going nowhere. I have to be more relaxed I think, it seems to go well this way.

Thoughts/SP:

1.       1. I just remembered that I should try Tyler’s attempt at disabling the cock block by offering to buy the friend dinner

2.       2. Deflect the young shit test by assuring the girl she isn’t old

3.       3. Be more laid back and unreactive

4.       4. Do more sets

5.       5. Learn how to keep attention better or demand it

6.       6. Stay in set longer/ don’t eject