Field Report - 8/29

This night was pretty wild. It was a Thursday night in Boulder, Colorado. 

Thomas and I arrive at Press Play after we drive up around 11 PM. We walk into the venue and I walk right up to smoking hot girl in a two set. I’m getting slightly better at killing my hesitation. I opened directly and then told her what my name was. She then said that I have the same name as her last name or something. Thomas was hovering around next to us. I need to make sure that we have established rules for winging with my wings in the future. He did a bunch of things that I would consider incorrect for a wing but he doesn’t know game. He’s sort of a natural. He’s really good at generating his own fun and that gets him attraction. 

She then ran away to be near some guy playing pool. Maybe if I was more commanding this would not have happened but who knows. The other girl was still there so I switched to her for a bit. This shit seems like it was kind of weak because I was unsure about if I was attracted to this girl. I have been trying to set a personal boundary of only hitting on girls I find attractive. As a result I was sort of half hitting on her and half just using her to get myself into a social mood. After we chatted for a few minutes with Thomas still hovering I tested for compliance by saying let’s get drinks. I moved us to the bar (got compliance) and then we just chatted instead of getting drinks. After a bit of this she said that she was going to go check in with her friends and that she was about to be right back. I ended up saying “OK see you later” and she let out a minor shriek. I think that this may have been her interpreting what I said as a rejection. Honestly, by this point I was still unsure of if I was attracted to her so I didn’t care and decided to move on.

I walked up to the next cute girl that I saw that was in a group of three. I opened direct and she immediately told me that she had a boyfriend. A weird thing happened after that though where she almost said I wish I didn’t have a boyfriend. She said that she loved my approach and that women need to be told stuff like that more often. It was super funny that it happened this way because Thomas had been asking me why opening direct works and what that means. He came into that set with her and I while she explained how awesome I was for doing that to Thomas so that shit was super funny and insightful. Ultimately, after some chatting we didn’t see any other good prospects in the bar, so we decided to bounce and check out the Pearl Street Pub.

We rolled into that motherfucker a short while later. To be honest, I saw a few attractive girls that I thought were very pretty. I missed a some opportunities and was feeling kind of lame about that. I have been using RSD Derek’s “champ over chump” idea to motivate myself and that was chump shit (the idea is that you ask yourself constantly is your current behavior that of a champ or a chump). I must have missed opportunities with 3 women because of choding out in those first few moments in the venue. We headed downstairs and Thomas challenged me to open a set of a man and a woman right next to me. He knew that I was working on getting better at opening mixed sets. In my mind it was obvious that they were together, but I just did that shit anyway because why the fuck not. I opened the girl and she looked perplexed and angry. The guy was actually pretty chill. I asked them if they were together and she said “obviously”. So I felt a spike from this, a smallish emotional spike of embarrassment. But I am super glad I did it because overall it wasn’t that bad. I was a bit affected but there is logically no reason for me to care about what any stranger thinks about me and that helped show me that I’ll be okay no matter what happens. 

After this we started walking up to the bar and I was about to approach a girl when Thomas beat me to the punch. The cunt finally got the balls to do an approach. I was part proud and part annoyed because that girl was hot. I ended up going upstairs where I saw a super cute girl who was kind of asian looking. This is exactly my type. I opened her directly, with her mixed set of friends hovering around. They were sort of standing there and I just ignored them because I was focused on the girl and squared up with her. We got into an interesting conversation and I was telling her about the research I was doing in neuroscience a while back. Right when I was picking up with that her friends yanked her and pulled her out the door. I am not sure what I can do about something like this. Maybe I should have gone with her and her friends? I think I probably could have moved her sooner or something. This kind of sucked. 

After that, I was feeling kind of nervous for a bit and sat outside and choded out again. There was a three set hovering around near by with a cute girl but I never got the balls to open her. There were some people I could have spoken to but I was feeling in my head and kind of scared. I ended up chilling outside for a sec to relax, I felt like I was losing control of my emotions. Then I got back in and met up with Thomas. He cheered me up by being ridiculous and asking some girls in red dresses if they were handmaids or something. We were laughing our asses off at their bizarre reactions.

I knew I needed to start taking action again so I approached a super cute girl walking in but I still felt kind of shitty and the conversation just died in like a minute. I think I was just losing it at this point. I think in this situation  can do a breathing exercise and try and relax my body to remember to stay unaffected by the surroundings. 

I knew that the way out of that shit is to take action. Thomas and I went downstairs and I walked up to a super cute blonde after he slapped my arm to get me back into my body. I approached her and I felt like my shit was more on point. I stepped a bit harder and with purpose and intent. She said she had a boyfriend so that sucked but overall it’s better that she said that because she saved me from wasting my time on her and trying to get her to cheat and shit. She was super nice and stayed and chatted for a second even.

After this we decided to change locations and go check out the Downer. We walked in and it was pretty fucking packed with people. The first girl that we saw was the friend that I switched to at the beginning of the night. Thomas said it would be funny if I reproached her so I said fuck it and did it. He sort of walked in right after me and then they started getting cuddly. I was feeling strange at this point because on the one hand I didn’t care much about this girl and was unsure if I was attracted. On the other hand Thomas came in and started trying to take the girl I opened. But then again he doesn’t know the rules, and overall I didn’t really want her, so I just walked away. It seems like he liked her, they were making out a short while later and he got her contact information. I think he could have pulled that night but he didn’t want to stay up late. 

While he was doing that I opened a cute asian girl that was walking by me. She stopped for a second and chatted with me. Then she went to say hi to her friend behind me while I was like “wait stay here” in a not boss enough way. I think that might have been the wrong call there. Maybe I looked needy or just like gay doing that. I think I should have just let her go and reopened after or been more masculine about it like “get back here after you say hi” or something. I was not proud of that but she still came back after saying hi so it seems like she was giving me another chance. We had a sort of boring conversation. I found out she was a computer science minor, which I like because I’m a programmer. I was trying to ask her about her interests and shit when her friend walked into the set with us. I’m not sure what to do in this situation, it seemed like the friend was just hovering and watching, which made it kind of strange to only address my girl. What do you do here? I mean the friend was kind of fat and gross so I don’t know if I could have found a guy for her. But since she wasn’t actually stopping things I assumed it was fine to just sort of address the girl I opened and her together a bit. But that may have made the frame less man to woman and more friend group. Hmm I think the best call would be to try and find a guy for the friend somehow. Anyway I was kind of being boring and asking too many questions and the shit died. I don’t know why my default shit to talk about is interview mode stuff. I need to snap out of that shit. Instead, I should rant about what I am interested in and just give less fucks about what the girl has going in her life until she is properly hooked.

After this, I approached a set of two girls standing in the middle of the floor. One was pretty cute and I opened her. It was sort of the same thing again with the friend standing right there and watching judgmentally the whole time. The shit died pretty quick and the girl I approached seemed kind of boring and was giving really short answers. I was probably boring her in all honesty. I need to just be more ranty, honest, and carefree. To be fair though, that doesn’t feel like an optimal scenario (the friend is right there standing quietly). I think it’s easier to do two sets when you have a wing there with you ready to occupy the other girl. Thomas was still on that so so girl though at this point. I shouldn’t rely on support though for every two set. There has got to be a better way to handle this. But maybe if I work more as a team with a wing this would be easier. 

Thomas and I saw that girl that he made out with and another girl leaving together. I was like oh shit maybe we can pull them and we ran up to try and talk to them again. I was like hey we should hang out. That shit was weak and did not work. I think in this situation it’s better to go in like a boss and be more physical. I also said some lame shit like “I don’t want to be creepy” which probably just made it more creepy. But it felt inherently creepy to go run up to two girls leaving the bar from behind them so I was trying to calibrate that shit. I guess if I was just a bit more dominant it would have been better. 

I then relaxed for a bit while Thomas finished up talking and making out. He walked over for me and we chatted for a bit before going outside to relax. I was getting fairly emotionally drained at this point. Outside, I spotted a cutish blonde girl on the phone alone and I approached. I was talking to her for a second but she kept talking about needing to find her friends, and I was not at all about that. I wasted enough time in the last field report helping a girl find her friends that I knew I didn’t want to deal with that shit.

We were pretty much ready to call it a night when we decided to do one last sweep through the venue. For some reason I was feeling pretty on point again. I went up to a cute girl sitting solo on a chair and opened. This ended up being like a 25 minute conversation where I had her laughing super hard and I was being witty and clever to make myself laugh. I told her I wanted to go to her house and read a bedtime story called a tale of two titties by Shakespeare. She said she was going to go home to hang with her cat and I was like do you want help feeding your cat. Her friend walked up and said why are you hitting on my wife, and I responded with I love lesbians. I was making myself laugh with that shit, but I think ultimately I was being too overtly sexual and I should have had the sense to tone it down. Also, I wasn’t varying my emotions enough, and I was stuck in the frame of making myself laugh. Being stuck in one place emotional spot conveys anxiety and not relaxation, which is what the girl really wants to see. She was sort of wavering really hard as I was trying to go home with her. It seemed to me like she was right up on the fucking fence and that I could have gotten her home if I played my cards better. I think that I should have toned down the sexuality and also maybe if I had more comfort with her that would have helped. I tested for compliance and that failed (let’s go get a drink) so that was a bad sign, and maybe I should have seen that coming. In addition, I needed to take the frame of marketing and not selling. I think I may have been trying to sell her too hard while I was trying to pull. This is a balance that is hard to attain. Ultimately, it was kind of lame to have a conversation for that long without getting pulling, but it was a great learning experience.

Thoughts/SP:

• Don’t be too overtly sexual
• Build more comfort if you have attraction and remember that attraction without compliance is bullshit
• Try to isolate faster
• Being stuck in one place emotional frame conveys anxiety and not relaxation
• I should rant about what I am interested in and just give less fucks about what the girl has going in her life until she is properly hooked.
• Take a breather when I am feeling overwhelmed, and perhaps do a relaxation exercise
• Establish a sense of teamwork with wings, tackle the two sets together
• Champ over chump is a good way to keep yourself on point

Learning What to Avoid FR

I went out last night to Denver. It was a Friday night. I’m trying to become better at this than I ever have been at this point. My current goal is to be someone who can cold approach effectively and pull 8’s and 9’s consistently. I want a solid rotation of them. This is no easy task obviously. Here is a summary of the night.

I drive to Denver and walk into La Rumba alone. I walked around for a bit aimlessly, too scared to talk to some of the pretty women I saw. As I did this I was regretting it. I need to start taking more initiative on my nights out and making a point to talk to more of women. There is only so much time that I have left in this world. I eventually get the balls to walk up to a girl and say hey. This approach was shit and I couldn’t even look her in the eye. I was kind of in my head. The guy next to her put up a block hand symbol to my face. I assumed they were together as he started walking away with her. Well, first approach down at least. I began taking some fucking action.

A few minutes later I saw a super beautiful woman standing alone behind me. I walked up to her and said “you’re very pretty, I had to come meet you”. I like opening direct, I feel like it’s congruent with my very transparent personality. We started chatting for a second and then she asked me how old I was. I told her I was 27 and this seemed to put her off. She was like “you are too young for me” immediately. I tried to plow through this but it kept coming up. She said she knew she looked young but that she actually had kids and was old. She kept saying that I was very cute but too young. It was impressive to see how much of a boundary this woman had. I think that she is probably right in a sense that I am too young for her because I would not be interested in helping out with this womans kids, I just wanted a one night stand, obviously. So if she isn’t into that then there would be no way for us to be together basically. She must have been looking for something serious. I wonder if I could have pushed through this, but I ultimately ended up asking her “is it a problem that I am younger?” And she said yes, so I said have a good night and walked off. I am not sure if the right thing to do in this case would be to stay in set until she leaves or not instead of leaving voluntarily, but I feel like that would be fucking weird if I stayed. I’m not sure honestly. 

After this, I salsa danced with a very cute girl that I saw. I have been learning salsa, I find that helps a lot with game because you have a natural way to escalate physically with any girl there without needing to talk. She was super hot with a not attractive friend. I think I kind of blew it after the song ended because I stood there kind of confused instead of taking initiative to move our interaction forward. I need to avoid that in the future after I dance. I should move more quickly to get our interaction more cemented. 

Then I ended up sort of hanging around La Rumba stupidly and not talking to women. I didn’t see very many opportunities and I was getting sort of bored. I decided to go meet up with a new wing at a club close by called the Temple. I headed there and then got in and met up with him. I chatted with him for a bit and he seemed like a solid guy. We went in to go do some sets. He took me to the rap room and he opened a two set standing between two columns. The girl he chatted with was decently cute, so I decided to talk to the other one to wing him. I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to my girl or not. As I chatted with this girl, it turned out we had a lot of commonalities and she seemed to be loving me. I didn’t really feel any attraction growing for her though. It was kind of dwindling for me and I felt like I wanted to get out of there to go find a better girl for me. Leo came back and I used that as a way to eject. We then decided to go check the outside to see what was out there. I saw a really sexy girl. I decided to approach her.

I walked up to her and told her that she was really pretty and I had to meet her. She was loving it and I had about 15 seconds of conversation with her until some tattooed guy emerged from hanging by the wall next to us. He started talking to me and so I had to engage because it was awkward with him standing right there and staring at me, and I figured he was the boyfriend by then. I asked him how they all know each other and he explained that he was in fact the boyfriend, so we exchanged some pleasantries and I wished them a good night and left. 

I went back into the club and saw this hottie asian girl standing by herself near the corner of the rail on the second floor of the club. I approached her with my standard line and she was seeming to be into it. I thought she was really cute and I asked her where she was from and she said Nederland. I assumed she meant the Nederland near Boulder. This misunderstanding cost me some time unfortunately. I assumed she lived 25 minutes away from my house in Boulder (in Nederland), but in reality she lived in the Netherlands in Amsterdam. I spent another 30 minutes hanging with her in the club while she was obsessively thinking about finding her friends. That shit was lame as fuck. I don’t really care about her goal to find her friends and I was getting bored by this constant thought of hers. Finally we went outside and could hear each other. This was when I realized that she was actually from the Netherlands and had a flight back at 7am in the morning. The logistics were far worse than I realized for pulling her. Besides that, when I told her that I wanted to take her home she not reciprocating interest in that. This was a dying interaction at this point. It was confusing because she seemed totally into me escalating physically and stuff. When I asked her if she wanted me to stay she said she wasn’t sure. This uncertainty is a bad sign. Maybe this is a sign that I should take more seriously later. I want the girls who are sure. I tried to push and make shit happen. I was wondering if I could push it in my favor given that she was ok with being physical with me and legit not sure. Eventually, she was like I’m gonna go find my friends now. I was kind of okay with that and ready to move on. I wasted a bunch of time here which was lame. I think I need to screen harder and faster for girls with more interest in getting pulled, and ramp attraction harder. 

The last set that I did was a girl that I saw in the rap room. She was a sexy Thai girl. We locked eyes for like 2 seconds and she looked away and went to the bar. I felt that it was on so I went up to her and did my typical approach. She was happy to speak with me and seemed turned on, but she told me that she was married with kids. She said her husband was away on a trip. I asked her if they were monogamous and she said yes. That was kind of a bummer because she seemed super down. I was like could I still pull this girl? I didn’t know, but I felt that the answer was probably no. I tested her compliance by asking if she wanted to go outside for a second. I probably just should have been more authoritative and moved her, but I don’t know if that would have worked anyway because her friends were in the rap room and she didn’t want to leave them. The compliance test failed basically. Then she asked me if I wanted to dance, and I was down because she was damn hot. I danced with her for like 6 or 7 songs and she was grinding me. I was super into that, but I think ultimately this was another waste of time because she was fucking married with kids. Her friends were right there judging and acting sort of weird about it also, they were two unfit lesbian women and one of them seemed sort of angry (pushed me very hard while I was dancing on my girl). The club was getting shut down at this point and I said bye to her and left. Perhaps I could have pushed harder, but I don’t know if I could have convinced her friends to be okay with this. Seems like this shit was a waste of time ultimately that could have been avoided. I then left and went home because I had an ankle sprain throughout all this shit and it was beginning to really hurt.

Thoughts/SP:

- When dancing with girls, make sure to take initiative after the song ends
- Screen harder to find out if a girl is interested romantically sooner
- Be willing to ditch sooner if things seem like a waste of time
- Logistics are key, make them the priority
- Lead harder
- Do more approaches, have no shame