LR with a bombshell - 11/7/2019

Picked up a smokeshow last night and got laid on the first date. She’s a 9-9.5 for me. I met her on coffee meets bagel (app). I’m going to write down how this happened in as much detail as possible to generate a clearer mental map of this success. Perhaps this was my dopest pull of the year? Estoy contento.

We met around 6:30, when she picked me up from my office. I hugged her immediately in her car to establish a physical frame from the beginning. This was an important thing because it showed her how comfortable I was with physicality and that she should be cool with it. It was kind of an awkward side hug in her car, but still I felt it was a good way to establish that. She even called out that it was awkward (which I ignored) to set the frame that it was totally chill to be touching. 

Our plan for the night was drinking at this hip bar then dancing salsa/bachata. She started driving us to the bar and we had some boring discussion in the car. This was a good way to start things out, because if you start from boring and then get more interesting and sexual then the tempo and vibes get set in a progressive and positive manner for the girl on the date. She is more likely to have the emotional journey that she wants. I asked her about her life, job, etc. Mostly though, she was asking me and I was giving long answers with oscillating tonality to show that I could be an engaging story teller and captivating. I try to be interesting when discussing my life, and tell vignettes as well to compliment that. It was pretty interviewy at first.

We got to the bar and walked in together. We ordered some drinks and I paid. She said thank you which is really key, because when girls don’t thank me for picking up the tab I assume they are entitled as fuck and generally lose interest. I set this boundary for myself and so far it keeps great women in my life and eliminates shitty ones from my consciousness. Having boundaries like this makes me feel more confident about myself and makes me feel like I can recognize what I want when I see it. 

I picked a place for us to sit where we could be right next to each other for physical escalation. We had somewhat awkward conversation about our lives, and she told me about her shit show of a workplace. She’s a nurse and said that the incompetence at her hospital causes unnecessary deaths to occur. I knew that I needed to control the narrative here so I switched the subject and fast. We spoke about a few things, and I was slowly adding escalating dialogue, as well as physicality. I started with complimenting her eyes. Then I added that she was super fucking hot. Then I sort of looked into her eyes and didn’t say anything until she asked me what was up, and I said something like I’m just really into you right now. On top of this, I added physicality by touching her hand, her leg, her back. I was making sure to put the pressure on but roll off quickly after escalations. She wasn’t really reciprocating at this point in the date so I was getting concerned that I was losing her. But her eye contact was really strong still and her pupils were super dilated so that was giving me hope. RSD Owen once told me that the eyes are the number one sign of attraction and I took that to heart. I said something about “you could be my secretary”, which was intended to put myself in a cooler than her frame. She reacted negatively and said that she was already busy, which was okay because she was reacting but not ideal. I brushed that off and changed subjects so we wouldn’t be fighting. I have been trying to think about what frames are good to play with on a date, and cooler than you is super good.

The time came to leave for salsa. While driving, I qualified her on being adventurous so that she would be more likely to follow me later and get pulled. I basically said that I prefer hanging out with people who are adventurous and do cool and spontaneous things over others. Then I asked her if she was like that and she said she was. This was perfect for me obviously when she responded that way, because it gives her motivation to do spontaneous things. People want to be consistent and live up to what they say about themselves.

We got to salsa and she paid for my entry. This was cool of her. I like that she has her funds sorted and doesn’t expect me to cover everything. When we got in I said hi to the person at the ticketing area who I know relatively well. This was a bit of social proof. Then I saw two other friends inside. I dragged her to them as soon as possible to get even more social proof. This was good for me, she had seen three of my friends immediately, and was probably thinking okay he is pretty well connected. Then we split off to do different levels of lessons for an hour.

After my lesson was over I ran up to her as soon as possible and gave her a big hug and pulled her close. This was awesome. I felt like she was way more open to being physical with me at this point and I felt her excitement to be closer to me and things felt way more on in general. I decided to dance a few songs with her to reinforce what she learned in her lessons and teach her some new moves. This went pretty well for me. I was just escalating and escalating the whole time with the dance, and making her have to work with my move set. She was learning things quickly, and we were just vibing really well physically for the next 20 minutes. After this, we did some bachata dancing which is super close. This made physical escalation a fucking breeze. I just would teach her some moves and get super close on her and it was totally acceptable. Bachata feels like cheating for game. 

I felt some tension building, and I was giving her a sexualized gaze. This is a new strategy that I have been using. The idea is when you know you can kiss and she knows you can also, you just build tension instead of going for it by looking in the eyes or pulling away repeatedly instead of kissing. This leads pretty reliably to the girl making the first move to kiss you. In this case it worked and she kissed me to break the tension. We made out for a few seconds on the dance floor before I pulled away. I know by this point to not become the make out guy. 

I grabbed her hand to lead her off the dance floor to chill for a sec. I saw my friend and he suggested that we switch partners, so I danced with his girl for a song. This was a situation where it’s important to note that I felt couldn’t really decline that offer without seeming needy in any way. If I had declined, it means either that I’m jealous of her touching my friend or that I don’t trust my friend. I felt this all in a second when I agreed. After the dance I lead her to a couch off to the side and sat with her and escalated more, I was doing some neck biting and sexualizing the situation by escalating and talking about how hot she was, getting caught up in the moment, etc. I was trying to pull her closer to my house, so I brought up the idea of getting food and she was hungry. I suggested a place that is really close to my crib to go to. This was to baby step the pull and make it easier on myself. 

We decided to do a few more dances. It was fun and I got some more social proof on the dance floor with people that I knew saying hi to me and stuff. After some more making out I decided to pull her on a high note and we went back to her car to drive to the food place near my crib. We had a fairly chill meal, and I was actually worried that I was deescalating things too much but it turned out to be alright. We had a fairly normal conversation about our dietary choices, which happen to be very similar. She knows more about the vegetarian diet than I do and I was learning about it from her. This was super interesting for me and also just some good comfort building. It was hard to escalate more since I was sitting across from her at the table but at this point I had the attraction hook and I just had to not fuck it up. 

I happen to get an alert on my phone at this point. This was an on call notification. I was on call for the company I work for. I thought that this could be bad and mean that I needed to end the date initially. When I got the notification, we were finishing up our meals and so I went to sit next to her and escalate and remind her that we are romancing each other. I showed her the notification on my phone and told her that we needed to go back to my house so that I could fix it. I used it as an opportunity to pull to my crib, which was kind of a creative on the fly move honestly. I would have just grabbed her and said let’s go otherwise anyway probably. She shit tested me at this point and asked me if I was just trying to make an excuse to take her home. I think she wanted to see if I would be weird about sex or something or perhaps she felt that I was being insincere. I decided to go sincere here and said that of course I wanted to bring her home, but I legitimately had to fix this issue as well. These things were true, and she reacted as if I passed and agreed to go back with me. I’m not sure if this sort of thing would work as well during a cold approach same night pull kind of thing but perhaps it could, I mean I had a good excuse to pull. 

I kept it pretty light once we got in the car and we made our way up the street to my house. When we got in she used the bathroom as I fixed the on call issue. She got up to my room and closed the door behind her. She got right in my bed with me and there was slight LMR, but it wasn’t hard to break through. I love the game. 

FR 10/5/2019

This night was pretty fun. Leo and I strolled into Lustre Pearl and started chatting a bit. He said he was in his head so I took the reins because I was feeling really stoked. I had a good week at work and was excited about my future.

I walked up to two girls standing at the railing near the entrance on the outside of it. I started chatting with them a bit but then I found out that one of them didn’t have their ID and had to leave. I was giving them a little shit for this and self amusing. This set was kind of a no go because of that. 

Leo and I walked into the bar and we were a bit surprised by the vast amount of people in there. I was looking for sets and I looked back out the window and saw a cutie standing outside. I told Leo I wanted to talk to her and he was like go for it man. I roll up and see that she’s in an all female 5 set with two 60 year oldish women. I started talking to all of them and she introduced me to them. They were her family including her mom. After an introduction I isolated her and she was making things really easy for me. I just had a good time vibing with her, she was super cute and happy. I followed her IG. One notable thing that happened was that she pointed to one of the older women in the set and said this is my mom. I responded with “you created a beautiful creature” and she seemed to really like that. Shortly after they were leaving the bar to go somewhere else, and I told the blonde that I approached to send me a picture of a cross asap (she said she worked at a megachurch e-commerce company lol). She responded with “I’m here until the 13th”. Woah, she was down. That was pretty awesome. I saw that she followed me back on IG shortly after that. I’ll be hitting her up again soon. It feels like talking to a hot girl with her family is totally acceptable and almost easier. Ultimately, she never responded to my message to her though, so perhaps I should have toned it down a bit and built more comfort. She seemed like her blueprint was centered toward comfort instead of value. I could have also interjected a plotline or something about her winning me over.

I walked up to a really hot girl in a mixed set with two girls and a guy in the venue and opened her directly. She was digging it and started talking to me while I was self amusing with her. The guy in the group with her started pulling her into him and making out with her so I figured that he must be the boyfriend or something. I then started engaging the whole group and joking around with them. I think I was being a bit too logical because it started dying and stagnating. I should remember to just have fun. I started talking to the other girl in the group so that I could get more social for the night starting. She was kind of lame and not giving me anything. I asked what her ethnicity was and she seemed offended. I think that she was kind of a boring person, but still, my vibe must have not been on point here. I need to remember to be relaxed and smiling to give off the feelings that I want others to feel. They ended up leaving and going somewhere else but I didn’t care much.

Leo and I met back up after this set. We went upstairs and I saw a pair of very hot women standing at the top of the stairs on the corner of the railing at Lustre Pearl. I started talking to one that I thought was the cuter one but it ended up that she was less cute. I need to look at my sets that I approach for a second before I walk up and figure out which I am more attracted to. I tend to be so jazzed that I run right in and don’t actually think about what girl I want or anything until I’m in set. This is something that I didn’t expect but it keeps happening. The set ended up going pretty okay, I was sort of talking to both of them though when I noticed that Leo wasn’t there anymore and the second girl was really hot. I think this lead to a friend kind of vibe. But still, it’s cool to see myself hitting the social hook point with two sets of girls that are that hot now. I could not do that shit just a month ago but now I feel a social presence that’s sort of like flow state beginning to emerge. I was joking with them about what I want to wear for Halloween. Also they liked New York so I was talking to them about that and shit. I felt like it was stalling out though ultimately, two sets are hard. I got both of their IG’s and then they bounced downstairs. I should be more proactive about targeting one girl in a two set or things start to die. In addition, be more proactive about finding a way to occupy the friend when I am in a two set if my wing is not around. 

I started a conversation with two blonde girls right nearby. They turned out to be nurses so I was asking them about random shit there, like have you ever been attracted to your patients and stuff. I was sort of using Brad’s idea about saying things that are kind of sexual but not creepy. I find that that stuff makes girls interested pretty consistently. I started by talking to both at once again, and I think I hit the social hook again. What happened though was that I actually started targeting one specifically. I tried to escalate with her verbally. I felt her stepping back from me a bit, but I don’t think I had the presence of mind to actually take that as a hint to step back myself. This is a big problem for me, and Leo noticed it and told me I do it also. I feel like that just killed the attraction and she started acting like super turned off and not looking at me anymore. I really need to stop making that mistake. It was quite hard though with the friend hovering there bored again. Leo was recovering at this moment from being a bit out of state. At least I actually focused on one girl after some time, but I think it was too late. In two sets, I should make my target clear faster.

I walked outside and started talking to a girl seated at a table. She seemed to say something about I can’t get this uber working right now or something. There was a pissed looking girl next to her and I didn’t understand why. Then I started talking to her a bit more and she seemed like kind of drunk but I couldn’t tell for sure. The pissed looking friend was like super assertive saying “no thanks we are fine.” She did this with a tone that suggested that her friend was too drunk for this or something, so I believed that that was in fact the case and I was like ok no worries and walked off.

I walked up to this super hot blonde girl and opened direct. She was a smoke show and I was sort of freaking out that it was working, even for a few seconds. I was really present at first and had a very sexual vibe. I was looking dead in the eyes. I distinctly remember losing my presence for a few seconds, and she lost attraction immediately. I can’t believe that this happened. It was like the most massive lesson I have felt in a while. Presence is king. She fucking knew that I lost it somehow. It must have clicked within her somewhere that I was receding into my head. I should have stayed there in the moment with her vibing, but it was like my brain didn’t want me to be with someone this beautiful. I still know logically that someone that is that sexy isn’t necessarily any better than me and is probably less cool, but the value she exudes still feels overwhelming emotionally. Then she began talking about how tired she was and started getting sort of out of it. She said she was super tired from the night before where she raged very hard or something. She said ok nice to meet you thanks bye and I was commanding and said no, talk to me longer. It actually worked. That was kind of a cool little breakthrough. You can often just override the girls initial goodbye test shit with some dominance fairly easily. I followed her on IG and she followed me back surprisingly. I might try to hit her up to hang out. 

I walked up to a new venue with Leo. It was called Meadowlark. I walked up to a set after I thought of a funny thing to say about Leo’s beard. I was just self amusing. I asked this girl if she could help me find Leo’s chin (he has a big beard). She was laughing and then we started chatting for a second. I think my eye contact was pretty on point. I can’t remember exactly how it went down, but I found some commonality with this girl I was talking to and I went in for a hug. She kissed me on the cheek and then we made out for a second. I thought that this meant that I crossed the attraction hook point, so I was trying to chill and vibe. I was pretty shocked that it happened so fast and I wasn’t really sure what to make of it. I started chatting with her about her life and was starting to get into a vibe with her when her friend came from the side and started pulling her away. I was kind of bummed that this happened. I think their night was ending, and perhaps I could have more persistently went with her. I could have tried to walk with her a bit or something, but that friend just pulled the girl I was speaking with away without even saying anything to me. That girl went though. This was kind of strange. I need to start trying to make things happen harder, because I probably bail too early and lose because of it more than I need to. In addition, I should have gotten the logistics so that I could expect the friend.

I started talking to a cute tall girl shortly after the last set ended. We were chatting about life and hobbies. I told her I am getting into salsa dancing. She asked me to show her some moves and we started dancing together a little bit. It’s cool to see girls escalating on me like this when I tell them that. I was having fun with her and she was engaged with our interaction. I really like using salsa dancing as a move, it’s surprising just how many girls are into dancing with me randomly when I bring up that I do it. I was vibing with her pretty well when her friend that Leo was talking to puller her away. That was shitty. I think our mistake here was that we didn’t lead them fast enough. We could have potentially anticipated that they were on their way somewhere and thought of a fun thing to suggest. Our lack of teamwork in getting logistics was one of the reasons why this was just lost almost right after it began. Logistics are super important to get because I keep getting blind sided by random shit that I couldn’t predict happening like a friend coming or like an uber getting there or whatever. 

I walked into Meadowlark and started looking around. I hadn’t been there before so I was getting a feel for the environment. Leo and I were going to the outer area when I saw a girl walking to the place I just came from. She and I locked eyes and she said that I was beautiful. I was really feeling it, so I sort of just went in for the kiss and got it immediately. I pulled away quickly because I didn’t want to be the make out guy. We talked for a minute or two about some bullshit like her attire. She said she needed to run to the bathroom. I responded with can I go with you. That was pretty weak. I should never ask a question like that honestly. I could have easily just started walking with her. She said she would be right back to find me and that I shouldn’t worry. I stupidly let that slide her. An hour or so later, I saw her in set with another guy, and walked in to try and blow him out. I think I was getting too logical in that attempt. Perhaps he had already hooked her too well. I tried to get her attention and I even got it for a second. I was asking her about her tattoo and I brought that back to my job lamely. Too logical. She and he ended up saying that they were good, which was lame and I felt that I lost it. I could have easily gone with her to the bathroom to keep control over the set. 

I opened a set with a girl and was talking to her for a few minutes. She was really hot, but she wouldn’t even look me in the eyes. It was getting frustrating, especially because I went on a tinder date with a girl like that the night before and that went terribly. It was weird because she was responding by she seemed uninterested at the same time. Perhaps, I could have been more commanding and trying harder to get her attention with leading tonality. Maybe a neg or something would have shown her that I am not just totally hers (something that might have been boring her). I ejected after a few minutes of this.

Leo opened a two set, one was a 6ish and the other was fat. This was quite boring feeling for me and I was not loving this situation. We ended up talking for a bit and was just bouncing around looking at other girls because it was hard for me to stay focused. I think that I was just not interested in this set at this point in the night because I was looking for something better. It ended when I randomly ran out because I saw two hot girls but then by the time I started approaching them they were already walking away. I think that I probably fucked it up with my non caring and running away randomly. 

I approached a two set with Leo, talking to the fat girl there / both of them at once. I literally was so in the moment at the time that I was not focused on a target. Also, Leo walked in with me and took the cuter girl, we sort of approached them at the same time, which they recognized was kind of forward and intense. I was really bored by about 15 minutes in because I didn’t like the girl I was speaking with at all and she was too drunk and grossly hitting on me aggressively. I think it was interesting to experience the hot guy blase though. I can learn from my behaviors in that interaction, which were clearly not giving a fuck, bored and looking around a lot, saying whatever shit came to my mind, and not intently looking and facing the girl after the hook. That made me more attractive as the set went on, despite my not wanting to bang that girl at all. Later, Leo made some joke about rape and the girl I was talking to started hating him. She convinced the girl he was talking to that Leo was trouble and then turned her on him. I didn’t care that much because I was wanting to leave a lot earlier. Talking to Leo later, it turns out he wanted to bounce earlier as well. We realized from that discussion later that we need to have better communication in set, and check in with each other more. Overall, this set was a massive waste of time.

I approached a hot group of two girls back at Lustre Pearl. The brunette was sad because some guy she liked didn’t like her and was getting with some other girl or something. This was a weird frame to enter into. I’m not sure what my good options were here, so I went with the frame of I’m better, now you met me, and that was sort of good. She and I talked for a second, but I think I was getting too logical and she got bored and like ran away shortly. I def need to stop doing that, and to communicate emotionally more. I did use a more commanding frame to get her to stay a bit longer. This was the second time that that worked that night, which was cool. I like using that commanding vibe to force yourself into the RAS. 

I talked to a taller blonde outside lustre pearl in the twilight hour where the girls were leaving the club. She and I started off on the wrong foot for some reason that I can’t quite remember. I was talking to her about her entrepreneurship and the fact that she was starting her own business or something. This was wrong and way too logical again. I need to fight the logical default frame that I constantly fall into. This is not helping me, because it feels hard to escalate when you are being so damn logical. It’s kind of like getting a sexual vibe from and interview, and that doesn’t promote hot one night stand kinds of thinking.

I spoke to a blonde girl with really engaging eyes outside the bar. As soon as I approached some guy there was hating it. He kept trying to bully me and saying annoying things throughout the set, and it was frustrating. My response was to ignore him, and stay talking to the girl. I should have at least addressed him a bit. Leo was off distracting the two girls in that mixed set for me. That was cool of him, but the guy was getting more and more standoffish and even pushed me. He was angry, and probably had a fragile ego or something. I think my ignoring was a form of reacting also though. I should have at least addressed him, saying “that's awesome bro or something.” The conversation with the girl was fun and emotional, but she was waiting for the uber line and this guy kept interjecting so it was hard to maintain my frame. I was into her, but she wouldn’t even give me her IG if I recall correctly after the conversation ended. I probably should have gotten logistics to figure out if I could deal with them, and maybe escalated more physically. It was interesting to be non-reactive with that guy there though, I felt like that gave me some value in her eyes. Ultimately I pissed him off though, I could have dealt with that better.

Thoughts / SP:

• It’s totally cool to approach with the family there
• Use plot lines to create more tension and a story
• I am consistently being a bit too logical X 4
• I should be relaxed and smiling to give off the feelings that I want others to feel.
• I need to look at my sets that I approach for a second before I walk up and figure out which I am more attracted to, especially with a wing, because that’s confusing for them
•  I should be more proactive about targeting one girl in a two set or things start to die. X 2
• Be more proactive about finding a way to occupy the friend when I am in a two set if my wing is not around.
• I need to have the presence of mind to actually observe when girls step back and take that as a hint to step back myself.
• Losing my presence for a few seconds can kill attraction immediately. Conversely, staying completely present can pump it very hard.
• Being commanding can get a girl not to leave, but it’s coming from a frame where you were already rejected, so it’s suboptimal
• I probably bail too early and lose more sets than I would otherwise.
• Get the logistics so that I can expect the unexpected. X 2
• I really like using salsa dancing as a move, it’s surprising just how many girls are into dancing with me randomly when I bring up that I do it.
• Lead fast after getting them hooked.
• I should never ask a question the puts the girl on the hook to lead. Just go with or lead.
• If the girl seems bored or doesn’t make eye contact I could try going harder to blow it out or make it hook
• Hot guy blase behaviors that can pump attraction: clearly not giving a fuck, bored and looking around a lot, saying whatever shit came to my mind, and not intently looking and facing the girl after the hook.
• Have good communication with your wing in set and check in more.
• Address the guy at least a bit if he is trying to cock block you and he is a friend in the set
• Not reacting at all actually is reacting because it’s so deliberate 

FR 9/22/2019

I had a shorter night out last night. I couldn’t find any wings, but I went out with my friend Thomas and a with a girl that he is seeing. This at least got me out and then I did some approaches when I found them in Denver. 

We started the night pretty lamely at a bar called Brothers. This place is quite ratchet and so are the people. I approached a super hot two set with Thomas at the bar. I was plowing with my girl as usual and it started to hook after a few attempts. Thomas was drunk and was blowing it with his girl pretty badly. I looked over and she seemed like she was just standing there staring at Thomas with him looking bashfully or something. I knew this was bad, and perhaps I should have stepped in to try and dominate both of their attention at that moment. But instead I just was plowing through and self amusing with my girl. I felt that I was about to hook when the girl Thomas was speaking with pulled her away. I think in the future I can try to be more cognizant of wings that are hammered and try to monitor their side of the set a bit more.

I then moved over to two girls to the right of that set and began talking to them. They were not very attractive but I was still warming up so I thought that it would be fine and that I would play it as hard as possible for practice. I started flirting with the one on the left, and got her smiling and sort of interested. She was getting distracted with paying though and as a result I didn’t get very much attention from her. I then switched to the other girl because she was paying attention. I think this set went okay overall, it was just for warming up. I did experience the way that sets die quickly if you switch targets though. Focusing on the one girl you like in a set with multiple people is the way to go I think. I would only switch if you are with a wing and you both want to switch. 

Then I started talking to a pretty cute girl at the bar next to them. She was in a two set. I was talking to her for a bit and just shooting the shit and being self amusing and kind of a challenging dick. I was asking her “how do I watch tv” and other dumb shit etc. She was laughing and seemed to dig it. I told her that I loved her look and she was sort of insecure and said she just got out of bed with that. It was actually going well, but then her friend that was doing something at the bar pulled her attention away toward something random happening on the table. Maybe they were reading a menu or something? It was still an early part of the night, but she basically just back turned and I didn’t know what to do in this situation. So I left. I suppose that I could have been more commanding or just stuck around here. Like hey just two seconds, now! Stuff like that to show that I mean business. 

Thomas and his girl and I went outside to get some food at a Mexican food truck. I was loudly talking about how Thomas’s friend is an idiot because of her annoying obsession with burning man when a hot girl turned around and joined the conversation with us. I started vibing with her and joking around. I found out that we were from the same area in Massachusetts. I used that to get a high five. It was sort of strange to escalate on her because she was holding a quesadilla but I was doing my best to ramp it up. I need to remember to come from the frame of touching a girl because she is hot instead of having an agenda. That doesn’t exactly jive well with other people who just want to chill. Anyway, the conversation started to go stale after I asked about how that girl and her friend met. They said that they met through bumble bff. I used a joke that I heard Brad say about how he doesn’t use online dating because the girls there just want to fuck him and never call him back. So right here things started to go wrong because my girl didn’t realize that I was joking. I think that if I say that line, I need to say it with a challenging and joking smile on my face. She was a little drunk and not picking up on subtleties. This is something that I should always do so that people know I am joking. I think my facial expressions are still a bit out of sync with my words. She started to think that I was a needy guy because of this and I was getting ruthlessly punished. Later she said “I’m not having sex with you tonight”. I’m not sure if this was a shit test or if she was legitimately disgusted because she thought that I would be needy. I think that I should probably eviscerate anything that makes me seem needy in anyway from my game like that line. It might just not work for me, or maybe save it for some self amusement or day game. I responded with I don’t know you well enough, and she said “I have had sex with a lot of guys that I didn’t know that well”. This seemed like my dream girl at this point, but I was so startled that someone would say this and at the direction the conversation was going that I just froze up for a second. Then her friend pulled her away somewhere at the next instant. I may have been able to save it, but I didn’t chase her at that moment. Perhaps I should have thought about the friend more seriously and anticipated this. I also could have tried to be more commanding to get her to stay. This was a good reference experience though, that girl was really hot and the pain of my mistakes is palpable.

I walked up to a girl standing in a mixed set. She said that she had a boyfriend. I used the you should do it for the relationship line. She said that she had already been there or something. I told her that I was a Russian Jew and that we are irresistible. She said she was already dating one lol. I tried to keep vibing with her but it felt off and she started ignoring or something. I ended up leaving her alone. I think this was a decent amount of attempting and it was pretty funny. 

I walked up to a blonde girl smoking a cigarette hanging against the railing. She was ok looking so I didn’t care that much. I was finally getting into the zone a bit so I was just joking with her and busting on her smoking. Telling her she’s gonna die etc. She seemed to be digging me and said she was having a good night because she just kissed a girl she likes. This was very interesting to me as you might imagine. We kept bullshitting when a hot Japanese girl came up to us. I told the new girl that I loved her and started joking around with her and escalating a bit. I did the prom dance with her and kissed her neck. It was good that I was doing that stuff, and I was trying to see where I could push this interaction. The Japanese girl started being a bit standoffish, saying she didn’t believe me about things that I was saying. I was not sure if this was flirting or an indication that she was creeped out by me. She went along with all my escalation so I went in for the kiss and got a head turn. The white girl noticed and acted surprised. I used statements of empathy to reel it back, saying that I was excited to be there or had low blood sugar or something. I went back to the white girl and was joking with her and was saying she was hot. Then the Japanese girl went in for another kiss on the white girl and I was pretty stoked. I tried to pull myself into there to do a three way kiss but the Japanese girl pushed me away. I must have miscalculated her attraction levels. Perhaps if I had flirted with her more and established a relationship more she would have been receptive to that. I need to ensure that I have a high point and have passed the sexual hook with both girls if I try crazy shit like that. Maybe the best move for me was to just chill for a bit and try again after I was sure the Japanese girl was into me also. The set ended when the blonde girl asked if I had cocaine and I responded by asking if she had MDMA (I was attempting to self amuse but it came off as serious because I wasn’t smiling). I need to remember to smile when I say ridiculous shit. The Japanese girl heard that and was like okay this is getting weird and pulled her away. It’s kind of funny that she thought things were getting weird from the drugs talk and not from me attempting to make out with both of them lol. 

Thoughts / SP:

• Try to dominate the attention of both girls if your wing is losing it for a second
• Be more cognizant of wings and try to monitor their side of the set more
• Focusing on the one girl you like in a set with multiple people is the way to go
• Be more commanding or just stick around longer when necessary X 2
• Come from the frame of touching a girl because she is hot instead of having an agenda
• Say jokes with a challenging and relaxed smile on my face X 2
• Anticipate the friends behaviors
• Statements of empathy are the shit

FR 9/21/2019

I went out with a wing that I met from the boot camp I went to named Paul. He is a nice dude, but he is a little newer than me at this stuff so my expectations were low (given that I’m just now becoming a yellow belt). I really want to focus on ramping up my physical escalation for a bit because that seems like my strongest sticking point to me. I want to get good at doing it smoothly and in a way that is empathetic as well. 

I strolled into temple nightclub alone, I hadn’t seen Paul yet. I was thinking that I needed to take some action before the nightclub got on top of me and I got in my head. I went to the bathroom first, and then started looking around for something to do. I was getting a bit overwhelmed by the venue at this point. I think that it’s because I hadn’t been out in two weeks since I was on a trip to France. I saw a ton of hot girls and was getting really stoked about the possibilities there. But, I was not immediately taking action at this point. I was feeling a bit in my head and reactive. I knew that I had to snap out of it. 

I met up with Paul after I saw him walking into the venue. As we walked in, I started feeling a little more courage or something. It’s funny how social alliances can make you feel like you are more deserving or something. I think that to truly have self confidence in these venues I need to learn how to feel totally confident with or without a social alliance in the venue. Perhaps this will come with time, but I should also go out alone or approach alone more often to build this actively. 

I saw a cute mixed girl walking by, third wheeling a couple. I opened immediately and started walking with her a little when the group strolled by. I was just being random and using Julien’s ideas about how to behave in the beginning of the night. Basically, the vibe is that you say and do things that will self amuse you. That is the central focus at this point. I said something like, “Hi, I’m from Boulder, I am not high enough for that city, I need more weed, also, do you have MDMA?” Super random and stupid but I thought it was funny and she started laughing. She stopped to hang with me for a bit and we were vibing for like a minute before her friends grabbed her and pulled her away. I think that the self-amusement and randomness dialogue is pretty good for adding to the fun. I like that it got her interested enough to stop and hang. I was only expecting a short interaction here anyway because it was still the early part of the night.

The next girl that I approached was in the rap room. She was a pink haired girl that I was similarly random and vibey with. I thought she was decently cute and I had fun bullshitting with her. I was saying random things about her hair and asking how it has been impacting her life. I was just fucking around with her about it and saying I wanted to dye my hair blonde to see what that would be like. I started ramping up the escalation when she got her drink. She said she had to go find her friends but she was like let me give you my number and she entered it into my phone. That was a pretty good interaction I felt like I was having fun with it. I think I could have possibly amped up my energy to get her to stay, but it was the first part of the night so my expectations were low.

We walked up to the second floor to see what was up there. I saw a two set with two pretty cute girls. Paul occupied the friend of the girl that I wanted. The girl I spoke with was a really cute blonde girl. I was surprised to see that things were actually going well with this girl. She was letting me escalate and we danced salsa for a bit. We did the prom dance and I kissed her on the neck. I was like wtf this hot girl likes me. That was surreal to see the skills I was learning working in the way that I wanted. It was good to get a brief taste of success. I was thinking of trying to go for a kiss when her friends walked into the set and started grabbing her attention (like 4 guys). They were talking about random shit and I was sort of standing there to the side while she was getting pulled back into the friend group. I was thinking that this was still the early part of the night so I didn’t expect much out of it. I got her instagram and bounced. I think that I need to learn how to deal with friend groups coming in so that I can keep commanding the attention of the girl. I did a lame thing by just walking away there, because that girl was super hot and cool. I think I could have made it work she seemed actually into me. Also, I should have led her more, perhaps I could have gotten her outside or to the dance floor.

Then we headed downstairs and I saw a two set. One of the girls had a shirt with Jesus on. I bowed to her because of that. She was asian so she and her friend said that I was being racist. I was surprised that they thought that. I ended up saving the conversation by being really flowing and self amusing. It was fun to experience this set. I was having such a good time creating my own party that the negativity of this girl could not get me down. I was just being super quick and funny. I kept her hooked for another like 10 minutes as a result of this. I tried to grab her hand to escalate twice and she would not take it. This was also a good move. I saw quickly that it would not go anywhere with her. This reinforced that I should try to escalate no matter what to see what the girl is feeling and not waste time. She was hanging out there for like 10 minutes talking, but not interested in anything sexual with me, as she wouldn’t even grab my hand. They left after the ten minutes had passed, I think things were not going well with Paul’s girl either. I maybe should have ejected after the second hand toss anyway because that girl was clearly not down. Still, I was having fun vibing with her.

I reapproached the mixed looking girl after seeing her again upstairs. This time the interaction lasted longer. I was talking to her on her way outside. Her friends were hovering around again and I could tell that her friend was thinking about snagging her away from me again. The guy really didn’t give a fuck. I isolated her outside and started going hard with physical escalation. She was giving me some serious fuck me eyes so I sort of wrapped my arms around her and pushed her against the wall with her friends right there. I think I should have rolled off faster after doing this I put a lot of pressure on her and her friend tried to take her away. I quickly turned to the friend and said “I like your friend, can I just have a second to talk to her” in a pretty commanding way. That actually bought me time. I think I gained the respect of her friend after this somehow by being assertive. That was pretty good. I then kept talking to my girl and she asked me what I was looking for. I joked “love, marriage” and then ultimately went with “passion”. That’s what I’m looking for right now actually. Just some fucking passion from a girl. Girls are just so boring and can’t display that fiery intimacy in the bedroom that I appreciate. I want someone who is comfortable with themselves and able to show that and get and stay in the moment. I tried to make out with her and got rejected and that fucked things up. I wasn’t sure why but she had this barrier with me for a lot of things that were non-physical. She wouldn’t tell me where she was from, what race she was, plans etc. It was bizarre. I think I had my first case of a girl who was compliant but not interested. After I tried to kiss though she grabbed her friend’s hand and left with her. I should have been more empathetic here. What I needed to do was take the pressure off and show her that I am a chill person who is aware of her feelings. 

I got a quick lack of a response from a girl in the rap room downstairs. She had a plaid thing on and I walked up and asked her if it was a cardigan sweater or something like that to tease her. She sort of half turned and laughed and then started turning away again. I tried to plow through but she wasn’t giving me any response. I bounced after I tried to speak like 5 sentences. I think I did my best here. Perhaps I could have tried to be more engaging and demanding of attention here. I think my approach was too weak for this girl. I could have been direct and she might have liked that more. 

I approached a girl on the couch by sitting next to her. She literally didn’t say anything but kept pointing to the bar. I was confused. She was being super unreactive which was interesting to see. I was like are you pointing to your boyfriend or something? She then nodded. Maybe she was a hot mute? I don’t know but I was confused and left. I think I was a bit in my head when I approached this girl. Seated sets are harder anyway so I’m glad I at least tried and saw what would happen. 

Paul and I approached a set of two girls. They were wearing some stupid glowing cat ears. Paul grabbed the girl that he liked and started lifting her up and shit. That was pretty funny to see. She was loving it and we got pictures with her. I tried to occupy the other girl for Paul but she wouldn’t even look at me. When she did talk to me all she said was that she was married. I tried to say that do it for the relationship you need to get it out of your system line but it didn’t work ultimately. I feel like she was just calculating about how fast she could pull this girl away from Paul. I think that perhaps that line was too forward for the context? I am not sure how to wing in this situation. I think that I could have been more commanding again but that girl seemed foreign or something. That might be why she didn’t understand me. That set was kind of lame but whatever. 

I missed some opportunities in a crowded space on the first floor. There were two hot asian girls there that I didn’t talk to because I was being a little bitch. Worse yet, they were both separately alone. This all happened in the span of about a minute, but I missed two perfectly good sets. I need to get my reaction time down for approaches. I hover-choded and thus a player in hell shed a few tears for me. At least this is happening less now when I go out.

I saw the married mom that I danced with at temple a few weeks ago again. I went to dance with her for a few songs and hung out with her and her friend. This was interesting because I knew that it would be sort of a waste of my time again (or is it? Maybe I should try to go out with her). I just was stoked on getting myself into a better mood with some physical interaction. I think this is a sign that I need to be better at creating my own emotions. That is kind of needy of me to want reactions from girls like that to feel better, but still, it’s fun to grind on a girl. I think this is a bit of a paradox. Also, I thought it was funny to grind her while simultaneously asking how her kid is doing. I got her snapchat this time and bounced after a few songs.

I approached an asian girl in a three set by the bar. She was with some friends and gave me the “I have a boyfriend excuse”. I went with the standard response to this. She seemed like she actually liked it but she was sort of getting pulled in by her group and they were like nooo we are about to take a shot. Perhaps I should have anticipated this and avoided the shot taking time. I think this might be an exception to approach all as soon as you see. Shots seem like a terrible time to approach. Then again maybe I could have been more conscious of the friends and convinced them that I was cool. 

I talked to a Syrian girl downstairs and started the conversation with where are you from? Because I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Paul was talking to the other girl in the set and it seemed like it was not going well for him as he got blown out. I think I need to replace “where are you from?” with “let me guess where you are from” as my go to I don’t have a thing to say line. I then talked about chemical weapons because that was what I thought of when I thought of Syria. LMAO that was bad. I think that at least I said what I thought with no filter, but I maybe should have changed the subject at that point if I can’t think of a chill or funny thing to say.

The last interaction that I had was one in which I approached the mixed girl for a third time. I saw her outside so I asked Paul to pull over the car and I went up to her. I decided fuck it why not. I walked up and said that I pulled over the car to talk to her, while laughing to myself about it. Then I used a huge statement of empathy to show her that I am aware that I was going too far before. I told her that I was aware that her getting picked up is not a normal situation for her and that I’m actually really nice. This noticeably sparked her attraction for me. It was cool to see the statement of empathy bringing me back into the game with her like this. After this she was super into touching me and we danced some salsa together after I told her I danced and she said she did a little. Then she started straight up grinding on me and putting her tits in on my chest in front of me. This was intense and I started getting really turned on actually. I tried to make out with her again and that kind of turned her off again. I think maybe she had a boyfriend or didn’t want to kiss in front of her friends or something. I probably should have realized that this girl was trying not to look like a slut and that manifested in not wanting a guy to try to kiss her. I think I was sort of angling too hard for the kiss in general. It’s not essential to get it to pull. After I did that she sort of was like ok the uber is here let’s go. I felt like I lost it after the kiss attempt so I asked her if she wanted me to leave. She said yes so I bounced. Perhaps if I just stayed chill or even deescalated after she danced on me that would have been better. Still, I learned a ton from this. Persistence is sexy, and empathy deescalation is super powerful if you overdo it.

Thoughts / SP: 

• To truly have self confidence when out, I need to learn how to feel totally comfortable with or without a social alliance in the venue. I’ll have to generate that vibe out of nothing but myself. I can go out alone or at least approach alone more often to build this actively. I do end up approaching alone a lot when out so it shouldn’t be that big a deal.
  
• Self-amusement and randomness dialogue is pretty good for adding to the fun
  
• Learn how to deal with friend groups coming in so that I can keep commanding the attention of the girl.
  
• Lead more
  
• I should try to escalate no matter what to see what the girl is feeling and not waste time
  
• Roll off faster after escalating
  
• Being assertive can gain the respect of friends, and show you are sober, confident, and determined
  
• More empathy when I put on the pressure too hard
  
• Get my reaction time down for approaches
  
• Don’t approach during shots
  
• Be more conscious of the friends and convinced them that I am cool
  
• Change the subject if I can’t think of a chill or funny thing to say
  
• Statements of empathy can bring you back into the game
  
• Don’t angle too hard for the kiss in general. It’s not essential to get it to pull.
  
• Stayed chill or even deescalate after girls ramp up kino on you
  
• Persistence is sexy, and empathy deescalation is super powerful after a misstep
  

RSD Bootcamp with Jeffy Day Two FR 9/6

The night of 9/7, AKA day two of my first RSD bootcamp featuring with Jeffy and Brad (assistant) at the Larimer Beer Hall

I went out again another night with the RSD bootcamp crew. We started the night at Jeffs hotel, where we learned an escalation stack. A physical and a verbal one. They even had some hand gestures to go along with it which was fun. I think the stack went like this. 

1. Interlacing the hands and fingers
   
2. The prom dance
   
3. The neck kiss
   
4. The Eskimo kiss
   
5. The mouth kiss
   
6. The hands over your head in a locked position

In addition, we were told to remember some statements of intent that were escalating in intensity to throw out at the girls. This was helpful, because we got a stack of escalation to run on the girls that was very simple and reproducible. 

We all eventually left to go to the Larimer Beer Hall. I started talking to a girl in front of me walking with a guy to gain some social momentum. We started discussing some bullshit like Fergie and her artistic merit. This was kind of fun and I liked starting out this way, it helped me start to get out of the logical frame that I was in at the time. Also, she was hot. I kind of lost her when we got in line at Larimer but I was okay with that, I expected short sets at this point. I suppose I could have ran after her but I also wanted to be near instructors and that guy was likely her boyfriend. Anyway, free associating was fun and it was funny when we heard a shitty Fergie song playing 10 seconds after I brought her up randomly. 

I saw Jeff inside and he started counting down from 30. If I didn’t get into a set by one then I would have been punched in the arm. I started talking to some chick by 27 I think. She was not my type but I wasn’t opposed to getting more warmed up at the time. I spoke with her for a few minutes. She wasn’t giving me much but I could sense that she knew she was a warm up set. I was getting kind of bored after a few minutes so I left to go find someone cuter. 

I talked to a cute girl near the end of the bar and she was with a friend. I think that I opened direct, but it’s hard to remember the bad sets at this point for some reason. They seemed uninterested and they bounced out and went somewhere else or something. I think that I was going direct, but since I wasn’t fully out of my head I came off as incongruent or didn’t make eye contact or square up well or something. I have to remember to step to the girls in a way that is as if she could be the best person I meet all month. No insecurity and awkwardness during the approach can be tolerated. 

I felt a bit in my head, and I knew that I needed to break out of it. I started talking to a very cute blonde girl, whom I opened with “I like salad”. She actually started talking with me about salad for a second, but then she asked why I was there. I told her it was because I found her cute and then I plowed through for a bit. It stalled out when she back turned me to run into her friend group. I need to work on cultivating more of a fun vibe when I am alone in a set. Brad did that amazingly when were in set together and I am able to do it when he is there by riffing off him. I should be able to do that alone also. Sometimes being alone in set makes me feel like I can’t handle it for some reason and I get stifled. However, this was the first part of the night still and so I need to remember to have low expectations during this part. 

I opened a really cute asian girl directly. I spoke with her downstairs and her friends were like let’s go up! I went with her which was good. I didn’t let it die at this point. I kept speaking with her on the stairs. I tried to talk to the friends to show I was chill but it was hard in this context where they were moving and not really appearing in front me at all. She was digging me I felt, and I even lead her to the outdoor area for a second once we got upstairs. It was awesome that I actually moved her. I don’t do that enough. Her friends came and stole her away to go dancing that sucked and was sad lol. I think my conversation was stalling out a bit at this point as I was chodeversating. That was lame. I need to make sure to have baller attraction stuff going in the beginning instead of coding out. No chodeversating until after the attraction is clearly there. Also, what could I have done about the friends? Maybe nothing. Maybe I could have gone and danced with her but it felt too early. Maybe I should have escalated faster and she would have stayed? I don’t know. Maybe I should have just got her insta when I saw that she had raucous friends. This was just a tough situation and the night was young. 

Then I opened another girl with the “I like salad” line, she was upstairs. She was not my type but I wanted to practice and get into a social vibe. The open actually worked pretty well actually because she really liked salad. We were vibing for a bit and she started giving me some compliments. I felt like she was into me. She told me that I’m smart and go for what I want or something. I was experiencing the way that the hot guy blasé can get girls fucking hooked hard. This is similar to what I saw Brad doing the night before with that hottie. I need to replicate that when I actually want the girl in the future. Brad was behind her making escalation hand signals at me and I followed them all, and they all worked. That was funny and super enlightening. I went from interlacing fingers, to the prom dance, to kissing on the neck twice. I am glad he didn’t try to get me to make out with her. I actually left after this, telling her that I needed to go to the bathroom. Really I just wanted to get into another set. 

Then I went and talked to a girl nearby with a hat briefly. I was introduced to her by our beloved Dr. Fine (another boot-camp attendee). She was a climber also and I was psyched to have things in common, but she was very unsure or unwanting or something. Perhaps I could have been more aggressive with her or been less comforty and more in my own element here. I think this goes back to a charisma deficit that I have sometimes (at least compared to Brad). I think I should really focus on building up that aspect of my personality. She left to go smoke weed and I was like okay see ya. Jeff told me about an interesting way to navigate past this. Basically what you do is act like leaving to the thing was your idea and go with them. 

Jeff pointed at a hottie behind me and told me to open. Things were going pretty well with her actually and I was into it. I found out that we had a lot in common and I started trying to escalate and increase the sexual tension with her. I was peppering in some statements of intent. I tried to go for the finger interlace stuff but she was not down for that the first time. Then I went for it again later and it worked. I felt like this was going well overall. I then went with the will you go to prom with me line and she said no. She kept like playfully denying me and shit testing a lot. It was interesting to see her testing me this much and I am not used to this amount of it. After that I feel like the chemistry began to fizzle out. I was chodeversationing her a bit too much and she went to the side. I stood near her on the rail and I was trying to chat her up but I think that it was just too late at this point. I should have escalated more and faster here I think. I guess that escalating more and faster would have been better. Our commonalities didn’t mean shit without attraction. This lesson is repeatedly painful to learn. Her friend and her went to the dance floor and I got her insta and bounced. I was sensing some disinterest, probably because I didn’t escalate enough. It was lame but alas. This has to happen to learn lessons. 

Jeff pointed out a girl for me to approach. When I opened, she responded with “I am in a very serious and committed relationship.” I felt like she meant that and I didn’t know how to respond there. I went with the nice guy response and was like alright thanks have a good night and I walked out. Jeff told me that a way to continue an interaction like this is to jokingly and smilingly say something like “do it for them, you need to get this out of your system to make the relationship work”. I thought that was pretty fucking hilarious.

Immediately after this Brad pointed out two cute Asians and said go. I went in and opened with something like “I’m so glad you’re back I missed you.” I legitimately thought this was one of the asian girls that I opened earlier until I was up close. This was an interesting example of the words don’t matter idea. I said something that made literally no sense but it still blew open because my vibe was on point. She replied that she was married with kids and I immediately said the line that Jeff told me a second ago. She actually loved how forward I was and we started talking. I was making damn sure not to chodily grab her back with my hand, but she ended up getting really fucking close to me and we were pressed against each other for a ton of the conversation. I did the finger lace thing and it worked. Part of me felt weird about trying to make out with her so I didn’t go that far actually despite maybe being able to do that. I should probably be more willing to go for that stuff, but I may have been too attached to the good vibes I was getting from her or something. I liked our conversation which was about books, and I was getting more and more intentful with words because I found her absurdly attractive. I think I told her she was the hottest fucking mom I had ever seen or something which she really liked. She said she liked guys that play video games and I responded with “I’d smash” lol. It was also cool to see the way that you can pepper these things in and then plow over them so they just get absorbed without awkwardness. I probably should have tried to escalate more physically. Eventually what happened was her kid or husband started calling or something and they began to leave. This was not before I got my girls instagram and she said she would take me out to dinner. This was pretty fucking mind-blowing. Brad said she would probably hook up with me. 

I did an approach with Dr. Fine, he actually opened pretty well and then introduced me off the open. I tried to speak to the cute girl in that set but they seemed like very low consciousness people, like pretty fat and carnal or something. I said some shit that was way too boring and chodeversationy. I need to get that shit out of my lexicon. Ultimately, the only relatively cute girl turned away and into the group like a door that was shutting from the wind. It was frustrating but I also didn’t care that much, and felt like I would have nothing in common them.

I tried to reopen the girl that had the hat and climbed as I saw her walking up the stairs. She was in friend seeking mode and I actually knew where her friend was. I brought her over to the friend and she said thanks and gave me a hug. I thought it was a bit more on at this point, so I tried to keep talking to her but she seemed super disinterested and just left to go see the friend. There were like 8 guys around us in a small space at this point so it was kind of hectic. I’m not sure what I could have done here aside from maybe try to be more engaging the way Brad is, he seems to be able to keep all sets going. 

After this Jeff demonstrated walking through the club with purpose which was cool to see. He pointed out how one of the other students that had a girl with him was walking purposefully also. I made a mental note of it so that I would be able to do something similar when leading later. Jeff also pointed out that the area near the door and how many guys were sitting with girls there. What he was explaining is the fact that when people meet women in the venue, they bring them to the bottom area after they have attraction. This is a way to get closer (baby step) to the pull. That way when the night ends they can drag them outside faster and keep control over the logistics. 

It was now the twilight hour, where the sets outside were better to attempt than the ones in the bar. I went to approach two girls with Dane. They were pretty, but they were giving us hard no’s when we spoke with them, saying they didn’t want to talk repeatedly. I think there was no way we could have gotten in there. Dane kept trying a bit which was admirable, but I sensed that it wasn’t going to work.

Jeff was on point when we got outside, telling us to remain super alert and look around for opportunities, specifically walking to the places where the outflow was maxed out. I was slightly skeptical about this at first and he could tell. I was sort of losing the faith that it could work / feeling a bit insecure. But it almost worked ultimately. They said about 50% of bootcamp pulls come from gaming in the twilight hour. I tried to talk to a few girls coming up to us, one of them replied with I don’t like white boys when I tried to hand of god her. I was told to be vocal in a chill way that showed that I was sober. This is important at this period of the night because most people are acting like drunk idiots and you need to differentiate yourself. 

Jeff pointed me to a girl and I opened. She was a widish girl in brown. Then one of the instructors came into the set and started talking to her, I didn’t care much because I wasn’t attracted. I was more interested in seeing his game. He got her attention pretty fast. Jeff pointed out that the reason she got taken away was because I stopped talking. That made sense, I think if I care more I will remember to fight it out in these scenarios. Just keep talking and keeping the squared up position.

Finally, Patrick and I saw two girls standing on the corner at the end of the night. We started talking to them. We did a pretty gay open, walking slowly and meandering. Both of us thought that the other would be the one to approach, so we confused ourselves lmao. I think that what we need to do in the future is have way more purpose and intent in these situations, don’t be so wandery. This ended up costing me a shot with the hotter girl. I still liked my girl though, she was a cute Latina chick. 

What happened was we started walking down to Ian’s to get pizza. She was getting kind of cold so I used that as an opportunity to escalate and put my arm around her and rubbed her shoulder. She said thank you to me after that, so I figured it was pretty on from there. At the next street corner we got to, I squared up with her and kissed her for a second after we locked eyes. I figured that I was past the sexual hook point and that it was time to figure out the pulling logistics. When we got to Ians, she said the line is too long so we decided to figure something else out. This is where I started fucking things up. I said that I could get us an uber and order her room service at my hotel. Jeff later told me that I may as well have said that I was going to take her to my hotel to fuck. That was a big fucking error. I think it was just far too forward. There is this element of cold approach that is counter intuitive to me, but basically what girls want is to not feel like a slut, and they can’t overtly agree to hook up with someone they just met. I think that this behavior is due to socialization that tells women not to have sex and that sex is wrong etc. It has to sort of just happen. What I should have done is said that I have a restaurant at my hotel, or just that I know a place and ubered to my hotel. Then I could have “played to the heels” and took her up to my room to get the shoes off. After this she started testing me a lot harder, saying that she didn’t know if I would murder her or something. My response was to try and build more comfort, but that ended up being incorrect. I should have joked about that and exaggerated, saying that I was Dexter and that I had the plastic wrap ready or something like that. We ended up walking around for a bit longer. We got to some corner where she said that her house was a specific way and that my hotel was another way. She said that I should go the other way. I made out with her for a little while and got her instagram info before I bounced and walked back to the van.

Thoughts / SP:

- No insecurity or awkwardness during the approach can be tolerated. 

- I need to work on cultivating more of a fun vibe when I am alone in a set, and generating my own fun

- Focus on gaining charisma

- I can move girls and should do that more

- No chodeversating until after the attraction is clearly there. X 2

- I was experiencing the way that the hot guy blasé can get girls hooked

- When girls move, act like leaving to the thing was your idea and go with them

- Escalate more and faster X 2

- Commonalities didn’t mean shit without attraction.

- The words don’t matter

- Be vocal in a chill way that shows you are sober. This is important at this period of the night because most people are acting like drunk idiots and you need to differentiate yourself

- Fight it out in these scenarios when guys come into your set by talking more

- There is this element of cold approach that is counter intuitive to me, but basically what girls want is to not feel like a slut, and so they can’t overtly agree to hook up with someone they just met, despite wanting that

- I should have joked and exaggerated through the shit tests

RSD Bootcamp with Jeffy Day One FR 9/6

Day one of my first RSD bootcamp featuring with Jeffy and Brad (assistant) at Lustre Pearl Denver

I just had night one of my first bootcamp (not sure if I’ll do another yet). That was fun. I watched Jeffy’s hotseat and then we went out afterward to a place called Lustre in Denver. There were six other bootcamp attendees. 

We exited the van that we rolled up in, and I decided to start taking action immediately. I started the night out by talking to some dude in line. This sort of helped me with getting into a social place quicker. I like doing some easy warm up sets actually because you start getting the social wheels turning. I spoke with him until I got into the venue, then I walked up to a couple sitting together outside near the entrance. I started joking with them and making them laugh. I can’t remember what I said exactly, but it was something like that the girl had nice tattoos. Also I joked about weed being stupid after they told me they were growers. I had them laughing which they appreciated. After a minute or two of this I headed inside. 

I talked to a two set of girls sitting near the wall. I can’t remember exactly how it went but I think I started self amusing in a way that wasn’t super useful / being socially over the line for a second. I made a joke that the fatter girl had cancer because she had all these freckles and tried to be chill about it but it was coming off sort of strangely. Then I was talking to the other girl and asking where she was from. I felt that she was giving a disappointed look to her friend or something so I said Jeffy’s line about I get the sense that you are patronizing. She then said she wasn’t and it was awkward. I think that I was just not free flowing yet and acting sort of strangely at this point. Maybe if I just tried to relax and have fun, but self amuse in a way that was more socially acceptable it would have worked out better.

After this I walked upstairs and started talking to some other dude on the second floor. I was trying to get myself more stoked to be there using the approach all strats that Jeffy said we should use. Then I walked to the bar where another bootcamp guy was, I think his name was Patrick. I spoke with him for a second before I opened a girl next to us. She was really hot and I opened her directly. She actually seemed to like the open, but she said that she was taken. Her bf was literally right there next to her. Then she said she had a friend who really liked single guys. She grabbed the friends hand and pulled her to me. I thought the friend was pretty cute and was talking to her for a minute or two. Then Patrick came into the set and started trying to help out, but it was kind of shitty because he didn’t ask me what the situation was and just started talking to that girl that got yanked to me and like left with her. I was a bit bummed about that because she was hot but I still learned that sometimes if you approach like a boss and the girl is taken she will hand you her friend. That’s pretty damn cool. Also, I learned that you need to ask your wing what the deal is when you head into set so that you don’t make the mistake that homie did.

Right after they left, a girl walked up and I pulled her in to approach. She wasn’t exactly my type, she was like a 5 or a 6, but I decided to bullshit with her for a while to get more momentum. She and I bonded over the fact that we are engineers. I think I should have used this as an opportunity to practice escalating physically. Brad told me later that the best guys all do that and I think more practice couldn’t hurt. The set was going well but I was getting bored after like 10 to 15 minutes and wanted to see if I could find a cuter girl so I bounced. 

I got into a conversation with Patrick and that girl I was speaking with earlier. He gave me a great intro and there was a super cute girl in set with them. I started speaking with her and escalating verbally. I was telling her that I loved her etc. and she was into it. She was saying that she wanted to marry me and that she loved me also or something. I remember thinking like ok this is actually going well and being confused by that. I should have taken this opportunity to be more physical with her somehow. In addition, I need to stop doing the back touch thing because all guys do that and that shit puts me in a lame category immediately when I do it. I kept trying to keep it going but she was walking back into an awkward spot between a chair and a table or something. This made for a shitty place to be speaking to one another and her eyes started darting around, looking to other stuff. Ultimately, she ran off saying she wanted to say hi to a friend and that she would be right back. This was some bullshit I was bummed because she was super hot and I missed another shot. I should have lead her 2 feet away from that awkward spot to another place and started escalating physically there. 

The next set I remember was one that happened right after I spoke with Jeffy for a second. I saw him walk in and he asked me about who was here for like 10 seconds, then he said what’s next. I looked around and saw a set to our left and ran in there and opened this girl that I didn’t think was very attractive, but it was still earlyish and I wanted to get more social momentum going. I was speaking with her for a while about random shit. She told me she was from Arizona and I told her about how I went to Seligman and caught ferrets there. I spoke with her about neuroscience and how I used to study motivation. I saw the instructors standing behind her in my field of view and watching me, taking notes. That was a bit distracting but it was cool to see them trying to watch and see my flaws. Soon Brad started making some hand signals but I didn’t know what he meant. He then told me while walking by to increase the physical escalation. I started getting closer on that girl and pulling her in and shit, doing the weird hand on the back thing again lol. I need to cut that shit out. The reason to cut it out is because that’s what everyone does. Instead, I need to stay squared up and look the girl in the eye. Escalate with words and with hand touching. I ejected after this because it was dying and I wasn’t attracted. Brad told me that the best guys escalate physically on all girls, to get in the flow of it and practice more. I’m going to start practicing that shit way more because that feels like my biggest flaw now. 

The next set that I did was a blonde girl that Brad pointed out. I walked up to her and opened her directly. She was loving it, but her boyfriend leaned over about 3 seconds later and said that they were together. He was like very very chill about it though and said that it was cool that I was approaching that way and that I could talk to her if I wanted, just not fuck her lol. She was also really pleased by it and seemed happy that she got the compliment. I ended up asking her if any of her friends were single that I could switch to, but she said they weren’t I ended up just wishing them a good night and heading out. This was interesting though because you are usually scared when approaching a girl with a boyfriend but chill people are really nice about it a lot of the time. 

The next set that I remember was a group of two girls sitting down. Normally, I don’t like approaching sitting girls but I was just feeling it so I went for it. I opened with the Jeffy classic “I’m Chinese and I love balls”. That shit is hilarious and the girls were laughing super hard. I ended up talking to the one I was less attracted to when this dude came in from the bootcamp and started talking to the hotter one. I didn’t care that much, but it was a little annoying. I can’t really get mad at these guys thought they are literally just starting and probably don’t have the awareness to care about their wings or understand what is happening calmly. I was speaking with the uglier girl for a few minutes, and she was laughing super hard. I started to get the feeling that she was really drunk so I was feeling a little bad about speaking with her and wondering if I should actually try to hook up, also I was unsure of if I was attracted to her in general. Brad signaled to me to go in for a neck kiss, so I went in after some hesitation to do it. I hovered for like way too long after kissing her neck. Physical escalation has to be more of a playful in and out type thing. They got up and left and were real wasted, that was kind of weird. 

After this I chatted with Brad for a second and he gave me a bit of advice. The conversation was lulling so I went to do another approach. I saw a super hot ginger girl and I went to talk to her. This is probably the cutest girl I talked to all night. I was really into her look and vibes. I think the logistics were just fucked though. We chatted about how we both like nature and she was just a happy and centered person in general which was really attractive to me. I was escalating with my words, but her friend was there the whole time and made this a bit more difficult. Her friend was sitting about 3 inches away from her in a sort of little spoon position. They were kind of sharing a chair. One thing that I did well was after I opened the ginger I liked, her friend turned her head toward me and I engaged her. I said “I was like, what’s up? I like your friend or something.” That actually bought me more time. I did a good job of engaging the friend instead of ignoring to show that I was chill and socially aware. This was good of me because I could have ignored it and looked unaware (something I have done in the past). Earlier during the Hotseat Jeffy was saying to address the friends briefly. I was trying to escalate more with the ginger that I liked, but it was kind of strange because the friend was listening in. I used Jeffy’s ridiculous line about how I wanted to do nasty shit to her, like get married and have kids and live our golden years together. Half way through that the friend turned her head in and said ok good night nice to meet you or something. I asked my girl if she wanted me to leave, and what she was that her friends ex boyfriend was here and that she was having to take care of her or something. I mean it felt like she didn’t want me to leave but the friend was just feeling sad and left out or something. So at this point what I probably should have done was just get the insta and bounce. I ended up just hanging around and talking for longer. Another kid from the bootcamp even came in and occupied my girls friend for a bit, but then they went to the bar. Some instructor yelled to go with them saying that we love water lol, so Tyler (bootcamp guy who approached my girls friend) and I went with, sort of confusedly trying to get back in the interaction / see if they were still receptive. This sort of ended with them going downstairs after a second. I’m not sure if there was really anything I could have done there. I guess sometimes pulling is just not a thing and you have to settle for the insta or digits or whatever. That’s what Brad told me after this set as well, which was useful feedback. 

I think after this Brad was like let’s go outside, so we went to the front outdoor area of Lustre. I went and opened a cute asian girl in the middle of a mixed set. She immediately told me that the guy to her right was her boyfriend but he wasn’t saying anything and I figured I’d stick around and chat for a second. She and her friends were trying to become clinical pharmacists girls so I made fun of them for hoping that the opioid crisis would never go away. This was fun and self amusing and I think they liked it. I was trying to err on the side of being more riskay as much as possible throughout the night, as we were instructed to do this anyway and it was making my night more fun. Brad came in and it was impressive to watch him work. He really took control of the set and was super grounded and funny. Like he brought the fun super well and it was really entertaining. It was pretty awesome to watch him because he is the best guy I’ve ever seen at this shit in person so far, Jeffy was concentrating on students so I didn’t really get to see him work. Brad even ended up pulling a super hot girl that night. 

Brad told me to get in set with Dane, and so I was talking to the other girl there. She was really hot. I tried to relate to her by asking about if she liked Yosemite, and I think that turned her off. Ultimately, it was just chodeversation. I need to fucking stop the chodeversation before attraction. She didn’t seem like someone who liked nature. This is a clear sign of non compatibility with me, but I think I should have tried some different approach honestly. This girl was fucking hot and I would have loved to hook up with her. I talked to Jeff about this later and he was like what does Brad do that you don’t? I didn’t reply, and he said Brad escalates physically. That shit is ridiculously correct. I was thinking yes, this is why I’m paying for this, please tell me more of my flaws. I saw Brad find some commonality with her pretty fast, and then get a high five from her. Then after she left from talking with me she went over to follow him. I could easily be doing that. I think high fiving is a really good way to start getting escalation and physicality. In addition, Brad’s demeanor was fucking bad ass. He just had this unflinching look about him as if he didn’t give a single fuck. It was incredibly unreactive. He actually left with this chick later. She was super hot to us, but he only likes asians so poor brad for having to fuck her lol. 

Brad told me to get in a set with a different asian than before, and use the her friend to get to the asian girl afterward. I hiked over to them and I opened the black girl with the “I’m Chinese and I love balls line”. The asian girl was pretty offended and said that it was racist. I don’t think that it was racist, just random and crazy, but still I should be more sensitive to shit like that in the future. At the very least it shows poor judgement and social awareness. I was really not giving a single fuck at that moment in an entranced in the moment kind of way. This can actually be bad if you act like a retard. There is a middle ground there between blindly thinking you are awesome and being present and empathetic. 

I went upstairs to look for some more girls but I couldn’t see anyone to approach and the herd was beginning to thin out overall. I was shoved in my head a tiny bit by the bad reaction that I got earlier atmittedly. I went back downstairs and saw a really cute girl. She was sitting at a table with 3 other women by her. I approached her directly and the conversation was going pretty well initially. She turned to face me and we talked about New York and stuff since she was from there. More chodeversation :’(. Her friend was turning 32 that night. I was trying to escalate physically but it felt awkward to do that with the friends standing right there. I think I need to develop more balls honestly. I don’t want to fucking hear nice to meet you ever again that shit is like hearing nails on a chalkboard.  As Jeffy said, what it really means is “you’re a bitch and I’ll never fuck you.” I think this would have been easier with a wing though, perhaps I should have brought one in with me. They may have just been tired already, they ended up leaving after a few minutes of this conversation. 

The night was dying and Jeffy said it’s the twilight hour. That means it’s the time to be slightly more aggressive and do more hand of god style opens. This is the kind of open that requires you to put your hand out and just look at the girl expectantly to come to you, but in a slightly stoned looking kind of way. I think this is pretty dope actually because I’m used to this stuff working in my favor from so much salsa dancing. I don’t think a girl has ever rejected dancing salsa with me when I do the hand of god open in that context. I got ignored a number of times with the hand of god approach, but it actually worked once also. 

I hand of godded a blonde girl inside. She grabbed my hand and I came up to her and started trying to be physical fairly quickly. She was deescalating that while telling me that she needed to find her friends. She had a sort of interested but also scared and confused kind of vibe, it was bizarre. I think she half wanted me but then I was too boring, maybe because she de-escalated and my verbal game was not intense enough for the moment. Perhaps I could have been more forward with my intention and commanding with tonality. Perhaps I didn’t re-escalate fast enough or something. I am not sure what I could have done better here. I think I’ll go with when it is the twilight hour, lead more aggressively and convey intent more than you did before.

The final girl I talked to was this girl that I saw at 2:30ish. Jeff pushed me at her and told me to approach with “where’s the thing?”. It actually kind of worked and she and I were vibing very well after we found out that we had the same favorite DJ. I was trying to escalate hard and fast there, like on the open and many times after the open. She was sort of laughing and pushing me off any time I tried and I got the feeling that something was going on there. I waited with her while she got tacos and then two guys came up to ask for her to order some more. After she got them she went back to the guys, and I asked her how they all knew each other. She said that she was dating one of the guys and that he was her kids dad. I wished her a good night and bounced after a hug. 

Thoughts / SP:

- Easy warm up sets can help get you into that social mind set 

- Try to self amuse in a way that is socially acceptable, at least in the beginning

- Ask your wing what’s up when you walk into their set

- Take the opportunities to be more physical

- Stop doing the back touch thing because all guys do that and that shit puts me in a lame category immediately when I do it

- Lead girls 2 feet away from an awkward spot  if they are in one to another place. Possibly with a dance move?

- Escalate physically on all girls, to get in the flow of it and practice more

- Physical escalation has to be more of a playful in and out type thing

- Engage the social group if there is a situation where they start examining you and shit

- Sometimes you should just get the insta and bounce

- I need to fucking stop the chodeversation before attraction.

- I think high fiving is a really good way to start getting escalation and physicality

- I don’t want to fucking hear nice to meet you ever again that shit is like hearing nails on a chalkboard

- Hand of god is dope

- When it is the twilight hour, lead more aggressively and convey intent more than you did before.