FR 9/21/2019

I went out with a wing that I met from the boot camp I went to named Paul. He is a nice dude, but he is a little newer than me at this stuff so my expectations were low (given that I’m just now becoming a yellow belt). I really want to focus on ramping up my physical escalation for a bit because that seems like my strongest sticking point to me. I want to get good at doing it smoothly and in a way that is empathetic as well. 

I strolled into temple nightclub alone, I hadn’t seen Paul yet. I was thinking that I needed to take some action before the nightclub got on top of me and I got in my head. I went to the bathroom first, and then started looking around for something to do. I was getting a bit overwhelmed by the venue at this point. I think that it’s because I hadn’t been out in two weeks since I was on a trip to France. I saw a ton of hot girls and was getting really stoked about the possibilities there. But, I was not immediately taking action at this point. I was feeling a bit in my head and reactive. I knew that I had to snap out of it. 

I met up with Paul after I saw him walking into the venue. As we walked in, I started feeling a little more courage or something. It’s funny how social alliances can make you feel like you are more deserving or something. I think that to truly have self confidence in these venues I need to learn how to feel totally confident with or without a social alliance in the venue. Perhaps this will come with time, but I should also go out alone or approach alone more often to build this actively. 

I saw a cute mixed girl walking by, third wheeling a couple. I opened immediately and started walking with her a little when the group strolled by. I was just being random and using Julien’s ideas about how to behave in the beginning of the night. Basically, the vibe is that you say and do things that will self amuse you. That is the central focus at this point. I said something like, “Hi, I’m from Boulder, I am not high enough for that city, I need more weed, also, do you have MDMA?” Super random and stupid but I thought it was funny and she started laughing. She stopped to hang with me for a bit and we were vibing for like a minute before her friends grabbed her and pulled her away. I think that the self-amusement and randomness dialogue is pretty good for adding to the fun. I like that it got her interested enough to stop and hang. I was only expecting a short interaction here anyway because it was still the early part of the night.

The next girl that I approached was in the rap room. She was a pink haired girl that I was similarly random and vibey with. I thought she was decently cute and I had fun bullshitting with her. I was saying random things about her hair and asking how it has been impacting her life. I was just fucking around with her about it and saying I wanted to dye my hair blonde to see what that would be like. I started ramping up the escalation when she got her drink. She said she had to go find her friends but she was like let me give you my number and she entered it into my phone. That was a pretty good interaction I felt like I was having fun with it. I think I could have possibly amped up my energy to get her to stay, but it was the first part of the night so my expectations were low.

We walked up to the second floor to see what was up there. I saw a two set with two pretty cute girls. Paul occupied the friend of the girl that I wanted. The girl I spoke with was a really cute blonde girl. I was surprised to see that things were actually going well with this girl. She was letting me escalate and we danced salsa for a bit. We did the prom dance and I kissed her on the neck. I was like wtf this hot girl likes me. That was surreal to see the skills I was learning working in the way that I wanted. It was good to get a brief taste of success. I was thinking of trying to go for a kiss when her friends walked into the set and started grabbing her attention (like 4 guys). They were talking about random shit and I was sort of standing there to the side while she was getting pulled back into the friend group. I was thinking that this was still the early part of the night so I didn’t expect much out of it. I got her instagram and bounced. I think that I need to learn how to deal with friend groups coming in so that I can keep commanding the attention of the girl. I did a lame thing by just walking away there, because that girl was super hot and cool. I think I could have made it work she seemed actually into me. Also, I should have led her more, perhaps I could have gotten her outside or to the dance floor.

Then we headed downstairs and I saw a two set. One of the girls had a shirt with Jesus on. I bowed to her because of that. She was asian so she and her friend said that I was being racist. I was surprised that they thought that. I ended up saving the conversation by being really flowing and self amusing. It was fun to experience this set. I was having such a good time creating my own party that the negativity of this girl could not get me down. I was just being super quick and funny. I kept her hooked for another like 10 minutes as a result of this. I tried to grab her hand to escalate twice and she would not take it. This was also a good move. I saw quickly that it would not go anywhere with her. This reinforced that I should try to escalate no matter what to see what the girl is feeling and not waste time. She was hanging out there for like 10 minutes talking, but not interested in anything sexual with me, as she wouldn’t even grab my hand. They left after the ten minutes had passed, I think things were not going well with Paul’s girl either. I maybe should have ejected after the second hand toss anyway because that girl was clearly not down. Still, I was having fun vibing with her.

I reapproached the mixed looking girl after seeing her again upstairs. This time the interaction lasted longer. I was talking to her on her way outside. Her friends were hovering around again and I could tell that her friend was thinking about snagging her away from me again. The guy really didn’t give a fuck. I isolated her outside and started going hard with physical escalation. She was giving me some serious fuck me eyes so I sort of wrapped my arms around her and pushed her against the wall with her friends right there. I think I should have rolled off faster after doing this I put a lot of pressure on her and her friend tried to take her away. I quickly turned to the friend and said “I like your friend, can I just have a second to talk to her” in a pretty commanding way. That actually bought me time. I think I gained the respect of her friend after this somehow by being assertive. That was pretty good. I then kept talking to my girl and she asked me what I was looking for. I joked “love, marriage” and then ultimately went with “passion”. That’s what I’m looking for right now actually. Just some fucking passion from a girl. Girls are just so boring and can’t display that fiery intimacy in the bedroom that I appreciate. I want someone who is comfortable with themselves and able to show that and get and stay in the moment. I tried to make out with her and got rejected and that fucked things up. I wasn’t sure why but she had this barrier with me for a lot of things that were non-physical. She wouldn’t tell me where she was from, what race she was, plans etc. It was bizarre. I think I had my first case of a girl who was compliant but not interested. After I tried to kiss though she grabbed her friend’s hand and left with her. I should have been more empathetic here. What I needed to do was take the pressure off and show her that I am a chill person who is aware of her feelings. 

I got a quick lack of a response from a girl in the rap room downstairs. She had a plaid thing on and I walked up and asked her if it was a cardigan sweater or something like that to tease her. She sort of half turned and laughed and then started turning away again. I tried to plow through but she wasn’t giving me any response. I bounced after I tried to speak like 5 sentences. I think I did my best here. Perhaps I could have tried to be more engaging and demanding of attention here. I think my approach was too weak for this girl. I could have been direct and she might have liked that more. 

I approached a girl on the couch by sitting next to her. She literally didn’t say anything but kept pointing to the bar. I was confused. She was being super unreactive which was interesting to see. I was like are you pointing to your boyfriend or something? She then nodded. Maybe she was a hot mute? I don’t know but I was confused and left. I think I was a bit in my head when I approached this girl. Seated sets are harder anyway so I’m glad I at least tried and saw what would happen. 

Paul and I approached a set of two girls. They were wearing some stupid glowing cat ears. Paul grabbed the girl that he liked and started lifting her up and shit. That was pretty funny to see. She was loving it and we got pictures with her. I tried to occupy the other girl for Paul but she wouldn’t even look at me. When she did talk to me all she said was that she was married. I tried to say that do it for the relationship you need to get it out of your system line but it didn’t work ultimately. I feel like she was just calculating about how fast she could pull this girl away from Paul. I think that perhaps that line was too forward for the context? I am not sure how to wing in this situation. I think that I could have been more commanding again but that girl seemed foreign or something. That might be why she didn’t understand me. That set was kind of lame but whatever. 

I missed some opportunities in a crowded space on the first floor. There were two hot asian girls there that I didn’t talk to because I was being a little bitch. Worse yet, they were both separately alone. This all happened in the span of about a minute, but I missed two perfectly good sets. I need to get my reaction time down for approaches. I hover-choded and thus a player in hell shed a few tears for me. At least this is happening less now when I go out.

I saw the married mom that I danced with at temple a few weeks ago again. I went to dance with her for a few songs and hung out with her and her friend. This was interesting because I knew that it would be sort of a waste of my time again (or is it? Maybe I should try to go out with her). I just was stoked on getting myself into a better mood with some physical interaction. I think this is a sign that I need to be better at creating my own emotions. That is kind of needy of me to want reactions from girls like that to feel better, but still, it’s fun to grind on a girl. I think this is a bit of a paradox. Also, I thought it was funny to grind her while simultaneously asking how her kid is doing. I got her snapchat this time and bounced after a few songs.

I approached an asian girl in a three set by the bar. She was with some friends and gave me the “I have a boyfriend excuse”. I went with the standard response to this. She seemed like she actually liked it but she was sort of getting pulled in by her group and they were like nooo we are about to take a shot. Perhaps I should have anticipated this and avoided the shot taking time. I think this might be an exception to approach all as soon as you see. Shots seem like a terrible time to approach. Then again maybe I could have been more conscious of the friends and convinced them that I was cool. 

I talked to a Syrian girl downstairs and started the conversation with where are you from? Because I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Paul was talking to the other girl in the set and it seemed like it was not going well for him as he got blown out. I think I need to replace “where are you from?” with “let me guess where you are from” as my go to I don’t have a thing to say line. I then talked about chemical weapons because that was what I thought of when I thought of Syria. LMAO that was bad. I think that at least I said what I thought with no filter, but I maybe should have changed the subject at that point if I can’t think of a chill or funny thing to say.

The last interaction that I had was one in which I approached the mixed girl for a third time. I saw her outside so I asked Paul to pull over the car and I went up to her. I decided fuck it why not. I walked up and said that I pulled over the car to talk to her, while laughing to myself about it. Then I used a huge statement of empathy to show her that I am aware that I was going too far before. I told her that I was aware that her getting picked up is not a normal situation for her and that I’m actually really nice. This noticeably sparked her attraction for me. It was cool to see the statement of empathy bringing me back into the game with her like this. After this she was super into touching me and we danced some salsa together after I told her I danced and she said she did a little. Then she started straight up grinding on me and putting her tits in on my chest in front of me. This was intense and I started getting really turned on actually. I tried to make out with her again and that kind of turned her off again. I think maybe she had a boyfriend or didn’t want to kiss in front of her friends or something. I probably should have realized that this girl was trying not to look like a slut and that manifested in not wanting a guy to try to kiss her. I think I was sort of angling too hard for the kiss in general. It’s not essential to get it to pull. After I did that she sort of was like ok the uber is here let’s go. I felt like I lost it after the kiss attempt so I asked her if she wanted me to leave. She said yes so I bounced. Perhaps if I just stayed chill or even deescalated after she danced on me that would have been better. Still, I learned a ton from this. Persistence is sexy, and empathy deescalation is super powerful if you overdo it.

Thoughts / SP: 

• To truly have self confidence when out, I need to learn how to feel totally comfortable with or without a social alliance in the venue. I’ll have to generate that vibe out of nothing but myself. I can go out alone or at least approach alone more often to build this actively. I do end up approaching alone a lot when out so it shouldn’t be that big a deal.
  
• Self-amusement and randomness dialogue is pretty good for adding to the fun
  
• Learn how to deal with friend groups coming in so that I can keep commanding the attention of the girl.
  
• Lead more
  
• I should try to escalate no matter what to see what the girl is feeling and not waste time
  
• Roll off faster after escalating
  
• Being assertive can gain the respect of friends, and show you are sober, confident, and determined
  
• More empathy when I put on the pressure too hard
  
• Get my reaction time down for approaches
  
• Don’t approach during shots
  
• Be more conscious of the friends and convinced them that I am cool
  
• Change the subject if I can’t think of a chill or funny thing to say
  
• Statements of empathy can bring you back into the game
  
• Don’t angle too hard for the kiss in general. It’s not essential to get it to pull.
  
• Stayed chill or even deescalate after girls ramp up kino on you
  
• Persistence is sexy, and empathy deescalation is super powerful after a misstep
  

RSD Bootcamp with Jeffy Day Two FR 9/6

The night of 9/7, AKA day two of my first RSD bootcamp featuring with Jeffy and Brad (assistant) at the Larimer Beer Hall

I went out again another night with the RSD bootcamp crew. We started the night at Jeffs hotel, where we learned an escalation stack. A physical and a verbal one. They even had some hand gestures to go along with it which was fun. I think the stack went like this. 

1. Interlacing the hands and fingers
   
2. The prom dance
   
3. The neck kiss
   
4. The Eskimo kiss
   
5. The mouth kiss
   
6. The hands over your head in a locked position

In addition, we were told to remember some statements of intent that were escalating in intensity to throw out at the girls. This was helpful, because we got a stack of escalation to run on the girls that was very simple and reproducible. 

We all eventually left to go to the Larimer Beer Hall. I started talking to a girl in front of me walking with a guy to gain some social momentum. We started discussing some bullshit like Fergie and her artistic merit. This was kind of fun and I liked starting out this way, it helped me start to get out of the logical frame that I was in at the time. Also, she was hot. I kind of lost her when we got in line at Larimer but I was okay with that, I expected short sets at this point. I suppose I could have ran after her but I also wanted to be near instructors and that guy was likely her boyfriend. Anyway, free associating was fun and it was funny when we heard a shitty Fergie song playing 10 seconds after I brought her up randomly. 

I saw Jeff inside and he started counting down from 30. If I didn’t get into a set by one then I would have been punched in the arm. I started talking to some chick by 27 I think. She was not my type but I wasn’t opposed to getting more warmed up at the time. I spoke with her for a few minutes. She wasn’t giving me much but I could sense that she knew she was a warm up set. I was getting kind of bored after a few minutes so I left to go find someone cuter. 

I talked to a cute girl near the end of the bar and she was with a friend. I think that I opened direct, but it’s hard to remember the bad sets at this point for some reason. They seemed uninterested and they bounced out and went somewhere else or something. I think that I was going direct, but since I wasn’t fully out of my head I came off as incongruent or didn’t make eye contact or square up well or something. I have to remember to step to the girls in a way that is as if she could be the best person I meet all month. No insecurity and awkwardness during the approach can be tolerated. 

I felt a bit in my head, and I knew that I needed to break out of it. I started talking to a very cute blonde girl, whom I opened with “I like salad”. She actually started talking with me about salad for a second, but then she asked why I was there. I told her it was because I found her cute and then I plowed through for a bit. It stalled out when she back turned me to run into her friend group. I need to work on cultivating more of a fun vibe when I am alone in a set. Brad did that amazingly when were in set together and I am able to do it when he is there by riffing off him. I should be able to do that alone also. Sometimes being alone in set makes me feel like I can’t handle it for some reason and I get stifled. However, this was the first part of the night still and so I need to remember to have low expectations during this part. 

I opened a really cute asian girl directly. I spoke with her downstairs and her friends were like let’s go up! I went with her which was good. I didn’t let it die at this point. I kept speaking with her on the stairs. I tried to talk to the friends to show I was chill but it was hard in this context where they were moving and not really appearing in front me at all. She was digging me I felt, and I even lead her to the outdoor area for a second once we got upstairs. It was awesome that I actually moved her. I don’t do that enough. Her friends came and stole her away to go dancing that sucked and was sad lol. I think my conversation was stalling out a bit at this point as I was chodeversating. That was lame. I need to make sure to have baller attraction stuff going in the beginning instead of coding out. No chodeversating until after the attraction is clearly there. Also, what could I have done about the friends? Maybe nothing. Maybe I could have gone and danced with her but it felt too early. Maybe I should have escalated faster and she would have stayed? I don’t know. Maybe I should have just got her insta when I saw that she had raucous friends. This was just a tough situation and the night was young. 

Then I opened another girl with the “I like salad” line, she was upstairs. She was not my type but I wanted to practice and get into a social vibe. The open actually worked pretty well actually because she really liked salad. We were vibing for a bit and she started giving me some compliments. I felt like she was into me. She told me that I’m smart and go for what I want or something. I was experiencing the way that the hot guy blasé can get girls fucking hooked hard. This is similar to what I saw Brad doing the night before with that hottie. I need to replicate that when I actually want the girl in the future. Brad was behind her making escalation hand signals at me and I followed them all, and they all worked. That was funny and super enlightening. I went from interlacing fingers, to the prom dance, to kissing on the neck twice. I am glad he didn’t try to get me to make out with her. I actually left after this, telling her that I needed to go to the bathroom. Really I just wanted to get into another set. 

Then I went and talked to a girl nearby with a hat briefly. I was introduced to her by our beloved Dr. Fine (another boot-camp attendee). She was a climber also and I was psyched to have things in common, but she was very unsure or unwanting or something. Perhaps I could have been more aggressive with her or been less comforty and more in my own element here. I think this goes back to a charisma deficit that I have sometimes (at least compared to Brad). I think I should really focus on building up that aspect of my personality. She left to go smoke weed and I was like okay see ya. Jeff told me about an interesting way to navigate past this. Basically what you do is act like leaving to the thing was your idea and go with them. 

Jeff pointed at a hottie behind me and told me to open. Things were going pretty well with her actually and I was into it. I found out that we had a lot in common and I started trying to escalate and increase the sexual tension with her. I was peppering in some statements of intent. I tried to go for the finger interlace stuff but she was not down for that the first time. Then I went for it again later and it worked. I felt like this was going well overall. I then went with the will you go to prom with me line and she said no. She kept like playfully denying me and shit testing a lot. It was interesting to see her testing me this much and I am not used to this amount of it. After that I feel like the chemistry began to fizzle out. I was chodeversationing her a bit too much and she went to the side. I stood near her on the rail and I was trying to chat her up but I think that it was just too late at this point. I should have escalated more and faster here I think. I guess that escalating more and faster would have been better. Our commonalities didn’t mean shit without attraction. This lesson is repeatedly painful to learn. Her friend and her went to the dance floor and I got her insta and bounced. I was sensing some disinterest, probably because I didn’t escalate enough. It was lame but alas. This has to happen to learn lessons. 

Jeff pointed out a girl for me to approach. When I opened, she responded with “I am in a very serious and committed relationship.” I felt like she meant that and I didn’t know how to respond there. I went with the nice guy response and was like alright thanks have a good night and I walked out. Jeff told me that a way to continue an interaction like this is to jokingly and smilingly say something like “do it for them, you need to get this out of your system to make the relationship work”. I thought that was pretty fucking hilarious.

Immediately after this Brad pointed out two cute Asians and said go. I went in and opened with something like “I’m so glad you’re back I missed you.” I legitimately thought this was one of the asian girls that I opened earlier until I was up close. This was an interesting example of the words don’t matter idea. I said something that made literally no sense but it still blew open because my vibe was on point. She replied that she was married with kids and I immediately said the line that Jeff told me a second ago. She actually loved how forward I was and we started talking. I was making damn sure not to chodily grab her back with my hand, but she ended up getting really fucking close to me and we were pressed against each other for a ton of the conversation. I did the finger lace thing and it worked. Part of me felt weird about trying to make out with her so I didn’t go that far actually despite maybe being able to do that. I should probably be more willing to go for that stuff, but I may have been too attached to the good vibes I was getting from her or something. I liked our conversation which was about books, and I was getting more and more intentful with words because I found her absurdly attractive. I think I told her she was the hottest fucking mom I had ever seen or something which she really liked. She said she liked guys that play video games and I responded with “I’d smash” lol. It was also cool to see the way that you can pepper these things in and then plow over them so they just get absorbed without awkwardness. I probably should have tried to escalate more physically. Eventually what happened was her kid or husband started calling or something and they began to leave. This was not before I got my girls instagram and she said she would take me out to dinner. This was pretty fucking mind-blowing. Brad said she would probably hook up with me. 

I did an approach with Dr. Fine, he actually opened pretty well and then introduced me off the open. I tried to speak to the cute girl in that set but they seemed like very low consciousness people, like pretty fat and carnal or something. I said some shit that was way too boring and chodeversationy. I need to get that shit out of my lexicon. Ultimately, the only relatively cute girl turned away and into the group like a door that was shutting from the wind. It was frustrating but I also didn’t care that much, and felt like I would have nothing in common them.

I tried to reopen the girl that had the hat and climbed as I saw her walking up the stairs. She was in friend seeking mode and I actually knew where her friend was. I brought her over to the friend and she said thanks and gave me a hug. I thought it was a bit more on at this point, so I tried to keep talking to her but she seemed super disinterested and just left to go see the friend. There were like 8 guys around us in a small space at this point so it was kind of hectic. I’m not sure what I could have done here aside from maybe try to be more engaging the way Brad is, he seems to be able to keep all sets going. 

After this Jeff demonstrated walking through the club with purpose which was cool to see. He pointed out how one of the other students that had a girl with him was walking purposefully also. I made a mental note of it so that I would be able to do something similar when leading later. Jeff also pointed out that the area near the door and how many guys were sitting with girls there. What he was explaining is the fact that when people meet women in the venue, they bring them to the bottom area after they have attraction. This is a way to get closer (baby step) to the pull. That way when the night ends they can drag them outside faster and keep control over the logistics. 

It was now the twilight hour, where the sets outside were better to attempt than the ones in the bar. I went to approach two girls with Dane. They were pretty, but they were giving us hard no’s when we spoke with them, saying they didn’t want to talk repeatedly. I think there was no way we could have gotten in there. Dane kept trying a bit which was admirable, but I sensed that it wasn’t going to work.

Jeff was on point when we got outside, telling us to remain super alert and look around for opportunities, specifically walking to the places where the outflow was maxed out. I was slightly skeptical about this at first and he could tell. I was sort of losing the faith that it could work / feeling a bit insecure. But it almost worked ultimately. They said about 50% of bootcamp pulls come from gaming in the twilight hour. I tried to talk to a few girls coming up to us, one of them replied with I don’t like white boys when I tried to hand of god her. I was told to be vocal in a chill way that showed that I was sober. This is important at this period of the night because most people are acting like drunk idiots and you need to differentiate yourself. 

Jeff pointed me to a girl and I opened. She was a widish girl in brown. Then one of the instructors came into the set and started talking to her, I didn’t care much because I wasn’t attracted. I was more interested in seeing his game. He got her attention pretty fast. Jeff pointed out that the reason she got taken away was because I stopped talking. That made sense, I think if I care more I will remember to fight it out in these scenarios. Just keep talking and keeping the squared up position.

Finally, Patrick and I saw two girls standing on the corner at the end of the night. We started talking to them. We did a pretty gay open, walking slowly and meandering. Both of us thought that the other would be the one to approach, so we confused ourselves lmao. I think that what we need to do in the future is have way more purpose and intent in these situations, don’t be so wandery. This ended up costing me a shot with the hotter girl. I still liked my girl though, she was a cute Latina chick. 

What happened was we started walking down to Ian’s to get pizza. She was getting kind of cold so I used that as an opportunity to escalate and put my arm around her and rubbed her shoulder. She said thank you to me after that, so I figured it was pretty on from there. At the next street corner we got to, I squared up with her and kissed her for a second after we locked eyes. I figured that I was past the sexual hook point and that it was time to figure out the pulling logistics. When we got to Ians, she said the line is too long so we decided to figure something else out. This is where I started fucking things up. I said that I could get us an uber and order her room service at my hotel. Jeff later told me that I may as well have said that I was going to take her to my hotel to fuck. That was a big fucking error. I think it was just far too forward. There is this element of cold approach that is counter intuitive to me, but basically what girls want is to not feel like a slut, and they can’t overtly agree to hook up with someone they just met. I think that this behavior is due to socialization that tells women not to have sex and that sex is wrong etc. It has to sort of just happen. What I should have done is said that I have a restaurant at my hotel, or just that I know a place and ubered to my hotel. Then I could have “played to the heels” and took her up to my room to get the shoes off. After this she started testing me a lot harder, saying that she didn’t know if I would murder her or something. My response was to try and build more comfort, but that ended up being incorrect. I should have joked about that and exaggerated, saying that I was Dexter and that I had the plastic wrap ready or something like that. We ended up walking around for a bit longer. We got to some corner where she said that her house was a specific way and that my hotel was another way. She said that I should go the other way. I made out with her for a little while and got her instagram info before I bounced and walked back to the van.

Thoughts / SP:

- No insecurity or awkwardness during the approach can be tolerated. 

- I need to work on cultivating more of a fun vibe when I am alone in a set, and generating my own fun

- Focus on gaining charisma

- I can move girls and should do that more

- No chodeversating until after the attraction is clearly there. X 2

- I was experiencing the way that the hot guy blasé can get girls hooked

- When girls move, act like leaving to the thing was your idea and go with them

- Escalate more and faster X 2

- Commonalities didn’t mean shit without attraction.

- The words don’t matter

- Be vocal in a chill way that shows you are sober. This is important at this period of the night because most people are acting like drunk idiots and you need to differentiate yourself

- Fight it out in these scenarios when guys come into your set by talking more

- There is this element of cold approach that is counter intuitive to me, but basically what girls want is to not feel like a slut, and so they can’t overtly agree to hook up with someone they just met, despite wanting that

- I should have joked and exaggerated through the shit tests

RSD Bootcamp with Jeffy Day One FR 9/6

Day one of my first RSD bootcamp featuring with Jeffy and Brad (assistant) at Lustre Pearl Denver

I just had night one of my first bootcamp (not sure if I’ll do another yet). That was fun. I watched Jeffy’s hotseat and then we went out afterward to a place called Lustre in Denver. There were six other bootcamp attendees. 

We exited the van that we rolled up in, and I decided to start taking action immediately. I started the night out by talking to some dude in line. This sort of helped me with getting into a social place quicker. I like doing some easy warm up sets actually because you start getting the social wheels turning. I spoke with him until I got into the venue, then I walked up to a couple sitting together outside near the entrance. I started joking with them and making them laugh. I can’t remember what I said exactly, but it was something like that the girl had nice tattoos. Also I joked about weed being stupid after they told me they were growers. I had them laughing which they appreciated. After a minute or two of this I headed inside. 

I talked to a two set of girls sitting near the wall. I can’t remember exactly how it went but I think I started self amusing in a way that wasn’t super useful / being socially over the line for a second. I made a joke that the fatter girl had cancer because she had all these freckles and tried to be chill about it but it was coming off sort of strangely. Then I was talking to the other girl and asking where she was from. I felt that she was giving a disappointed look to her friend or something so I said Jeffy’s line about I get the sense that you are patronizing. She then said she wasn’t and it was awkward. I think that I was just not free flowing yet and acting sort of strangely at this point. Maybe if I just tried to relax and have fun, but self amuse in a way that was more socially acceptable it would have worked out better.

After this I walked upstairs and started talking to some other dude on the second floor. I was trying to get myself more stoked to be there using the approach all strats that Jeffy said we should use. Then I walked to the bar where another bootcamp guy was, I think his name was Patrick. I spoke with him for a second before I opened a girl next to us. She was really hot and I opened her directly. She actually seemed to like the open, but she said that she was taken. Her bf was literally right there next to her. Then she said she had a friend who really liked single guys. She grabbed the friends hand and pulled her to me. I thought the friend was pretty cute and was talking to her for a minute or two. Then Patrick came into the set and started trying to help out, but it was kind of shitty because he didn’t ask me what the situation was and just started talking to that girl that got yanked to me and like left with her. I was a bit bummed about that because she was hot but I still learned that sometimes if you approach like a boss and the girl is taken she will hand you her friend. That’s pretty damn cool. Also, I learned that you need to ask your wing what the deal is when you head into set so that you don’t make the mistake that homie did.

Right after they left, a girl walked up and I pulled her in to approach. She wasn’t exactly my type, she was like a 5 or a 6, but I decided to bullshit with her for a while to get more momentum. She and I bonded over the fact that we are engineers. I think I should have used this as an opportunity to practice escalating physically. Brad told me later that the best guys all do that and I think more practice couldn’t hurt. The set was going well but I was getting bored after like 10 to 15 minutes and wanted to see if I could find a cuter girl so I bounced. 

I got into a conversation with Patrick and that girl I was speaking with earlier. He gave me a great intro and there was a super cute girl in set with them. I started speaking with her and escalating verbally. I was telling her that I loved her etc. and she was into it. She was saying that she wanted to marry me and that she loved me also or something. I remember thinking like ok this is actually going well and being confused by that. I should have taken this opportunity to be more physical with her somehow. In addition, I need to stop doing the back touch thing because all guys do that and that shit puts me in a lame category immediately when I do it. I kept trying to keep it going but she was walking back into an awkward spot between a chair and a table or something. This made for a shitty place to be speaking to one another and her eyes started darting around, looking to other stuff. Ultimately, she ran off saying she wanted to say hi to a friend and that she would be right back. This was some bullshit I was bummed because she was super hot and I missed another shot. I should have lead her 2 feet away from that awkward spot to another place and started escalating physically there. 

The next set I remember was one that happened right after I spoke with Jeffy for a second. I saw him walk in and he asked me about who was here for like 10 seconds, then he said what’s next. I looked around and saw a set to our left and ran in there and opened this girl that I didn’t think was very attractive, but it was still earlyish and I wanted to get more social momentum going. I was speaking with her for a while about random shit. She told me she was from Arizona and I told her about how I went to Seligman and caught ferrets there. I spoke with her about neuroscience and how I used to study motivation. I saw the instructors standing behind her in my field of view and watching me, taking notes. That was a bit distracting but it was cool to see them trying to watch and see my flaws. Soon Brad started making some hand signals but I didn’t know what he meant. He then told me while walking by to increase the physical escalation. I started getting closer on that girl and pulling her in and shit, doing the weird hand on the back thing again lol. I need to cut that shit out. The reason to cut it out is because that’s what everyone does. Instead, I need to stay squared up and look the girl in the eye. Escalate with words and with hand touching. I ejected after this because it was dying and I wasn’t attracted. Brad told me that the best guys escalate physically on all girls, to get in the flow of it and practice more. I’m going to start practicing that shit way more because that feels like my biggest flaw now. 

The next set that I did was a blonde girl that Brad pointed out. I walked up to her and opened her directly. She was loving it, but her boyfriend leaned over about 3 seconds later and said that they were together. He was like very very chill about it though and said that it was cool that I was approaching that way and that I could talk to her if I wanted, just not fuck her lol. She was also really pleased by it and seemed happy that she got the compliment. I ended up asking her if any of her friends were single that I could switch to, but she said they weren’t I ended up just wishing them a good night and heading out. This was interesting though because you are usually scared when approaching a girl with a boyfriend but chill people are really nice about it a lot of the time. 

The next set that I remember was a group of two girls sitting down. Normally, I don’t like approaching sitting girls but I was just feeling it so I went for it. I opened with the Jeffy classic “I’m Chinese and I love balls”. That shit is hilarious and the girls were laughing super hard. I ended up talking to the one I was less attracted to when this dude came in from the bootcamp and started talking to the hotter one. I didn’t care that much, but it was a little annoying. I can’t really get mad at these guys thought they are literally just starting and probably don’t have the awareness to care about their wings or understand what is happening calmly. I was speaking with the uglier girl for a few minutes, and she was laughing super hard. I started to get the feeling that she was really drunk so I was feeling a little bad about speaking with her and wondering if I should actually try to hook up, also I was unsure of if I was attracted to her in general. Brad signaled to me to go in for a neck kiss, so I went in after some hesitation to do it. I hovered for like way too long after kissing her neck. Physical escalation has to be more of a playful in and out type thing. They got up and left and were real wasted, that was kind of weird. 

After this I chatted with Brad for a second and he gave me a bit of advice. The conversation was lulling so I went to do another approach. I saw a super hot ginger girl and I went to talk to her. This is probably the cutest girl I talked to all night. I was really into her look and vibes. I think the logistics were just fucked though. We chatted about how we both like nature and she was just a happy and centered person in general which was really attractive to me. I was escalating with my words, but her friend was there the whole time and made this a bit more difficult. Her friend was sitting about 3 inches away from her in a sort of little spoon position. They were kind of sharing a chair. One thing that I did well was after I opened the ginger I liked, her friend turned her head toward me and I engaged her. I said “I was like, what’s up? I like your friend or something.” That actually bought me more time. I did a good job of engaging the friend instead of ignoring to show that I was chill and socially aware. This was good of me because I could have ignored it and looked unaware (something I have done in the past). Earlier during the Hotseat Jeffy was saying to address the friends briefly. I was trying to escalate more with the ginger that I liked, but it was kind of strange because the friend was listening in. I used Jeffy’s ridiculous line about how I wanted to do nasty shit to her, like get married and have kids and live our golden years together. Half way through that the friend turned her head in and said ok good night nice to meet you or something. I asked my girl if she wanted me to leave, and what she was that her friends ex boyfriend was here and that she was having to take care of her or something. I mean it felt like she didn’t want me to leave but the friend was just feeling sad and left out or something. So at this point what I probably should have done was just get the insta and bounce. I ended up just hanging around and talking for longer. Another kid from the bootcamp even came in and occupied my girls friend for a bit, but then they went to the bar. Some instructor yelled to go with them saying that we love water lol, so Tyler (bootcamp guy who approached my girls friend) and I went with, sort of confusedly trying to get back in the interaction / see if they were still receptive. This sort of ended with them going downstairs after a second. I’m not sure if there was really anything I could have done there. I guess sometimes pulling is just not a thing and you have to settle for the insta or digits or whatever. That’s what Brad told me after this set as well, which was useful feedback. 

I think after this Brad was like let’s go outside, so we went to the front outdoor area of Lustre. I went and opened a cute asian girl in the middle of a mixed set. She immediately told me that the guy to her right was her boyfriend but he wasn’t saying anything and I figured I’d stick around and chat for a second. She and her friends were trying to become clinical pharmacists girls so I made fun of them for hoping that the opioid crisis would never go away. This was fun and self amusing and I think they liked it. I was trying to err on the side of being more riskay as much as possible throughout the night, as we were instructed to do this anyway and it was making my night more fun. Brad came in and it was impressive to watch him work. He really took control of the set and was super grounded and funny. Like he brought the fun super well and it was really entertaining. It was pretty awesome to watch him because he is the best guy I’ve ever seen at this shit in person so far, Jeffy was concentrating on students so I didn’t really get to see him work. Brad even ended up pulling a super hot girl that night. 

Brad told me to get in set with Dane, and so I was talking to the other girl there. She was really hot. I tried to relate to her by asking about if she liked Yosemite, and I think that turned her off. Ultimately, it was just chodeversation. I need to fucking stop the chodeversation before attraction. She didn’t seem like someone who liked nature. This is a clear sign of non compatibility with me, but I think I should have tried some different approach honestly. This girl was fucking hot and I would have loved to hook up with her. I talked to Jeff about this later and he was like what does Brad do that you don’t? I didn’t reply, and he said Brad escalates physically. That shit is ridiculously correct. I was thinking yes, this is why I’m paying for this, please tell me more of my flaws. I saw Brad find some commonality with her pretty fast, and then get a high five from her. Then after she left from talking with me she went over to follow him. I could easily be doing that. I think high fiving is a really good way to start getting escalation and physicality. In addition, Brad’s demeanor was fucking bad ass. He just had this unflinching look about him as if he didn’t give a single fuck. It was incredibly unreactive. He actually left with this chick later. She was super hot to us, but he only likes asians so poor brad for having to fuck her lol. 

Brad told me to get in a set with a different asian than before, and use the her friend to get to the asian girl afterward. I hiked over to them and I opened the black girl with the “I’m Chinese and I love balls line”. The asian girl was pretty offended and said that it was racist. I don’t think that it was racist, just random and crazy, but still I should be more sensitive to shit like that in the future. At the very least it shows poor judgement and social awareness. I was really not giving a single fuck at that moment in an entranced in the moment kind of way. This can actually be bad if you act like a retard. There is a middle ground there between blindly thinking you are awesome and being present and empathetic. 

I went upstairs to look for some more girls but I couldn’t see anyone to approach and the herd was beginning to thin out overall. I was shoved in my head a tiny bit by the bad reaction that I got earlier atmittedly. I went back downstairs and saw a really cute girl. She was sitting at a table with 3 other women by her. I approached her directly and the conversation was going pretty well initially. She turned to face me and we talked about New York and stuff since she was from there. More chodeversation :’(. Her friend was turning 32 that night. I was trying to escalate physically but it felt awkward to do that with the friends standing right there. I think I need to develop more balls honestly. I don’t want to fucking hear nice to meet you ever again that shit is like hearing nails on a chalkboard.  As Jeffy said, what it really means is “you’re a bitch and I’ll never fuck you.” I think this would have been easier with a wing though, perhaps I should have brought one in with me. They may have just been tired already, they ended up leaving after a few minutes of this conversation. 

The night was dying and Jeffy said it’s the twilight hour. That means it’s the time to be slightly more aggressive and do more hand of god style opens. This is the kind of open that requires you to put your hand out and just look at the girl expectantly to come to you, but in a slightly stoned looking kind of way. I think this is pretty dope actually because I’m used to this stuff working in my favor from so much salsa dancing. I don’t think a girl has ever rejected dancing salsa with me when I do the hand of god open in that context. I got ignored a number of times with the hand of god approach, but it actually worked once also. 

I hand of godded a blonde girl inside. She grabbed my hand and I came up to her and started trying to be physical fairly quickly. She was deescalating that while telling me that she needed to find her friends. She had a sort of interested but also scared and confused kind of vibe, it was bizarre. I think she half wanted me but then I was too boring, maybe because she de-escalated and my verbal game was not intense enough for the moment. Perhaps I could have been more forward with my intention and commanding with tonality. Perhaps I didn’t re-escalate fast enough or something. I am not sure what I could have done better here. I think I’ll go with when it is the twilight hour, lead more aggressively and convey intent more than you did before.

The final girl I talked to was this girl that I saw at 2:30ish. Jeff pushed me at her and told me to approach with “where’s the thing?”. It actually kind of worked and she and I were vibing very well after we found out that we had the same favorite DJ. I was trying to escalate hard and fast there, like on the open and many times after the open. She was sort of laughing and pushing me off any time I tried and I got the feeling that something was going on there. I waited with her while she got tacos and then two guys came up to ask for her to order some more. After she got them she went back to the guys, and I asked her how they all knew each other. She said that she was dating one of the guys and that he was her kids dad. I wished her a good night and bounced after a hug. 

Thoughts / SP:

- Easy warm up sets can help get you into that social mind set 

- Try to self amuse in a way that is socially acceptable, at least in the beginning

- Ask your wing what’s up when you walk into their set

- Take the opportunities to be more physical

- Stop doing the back touch thing because all guys do that and that shit puts me in a lame category immediately when I do it

- Lead girls 2 feet away from an awkward spot  if they are in one to another place. Possibly with a dance move?

- Escalate physically on all girls, to get in the flow of it and practice more

- Physical escalation has to be more of a playful in and out type thing

- Engage the social group if there is a situation where they start examining you and shit

- Sometimes you should just get the insta and bounce

- I need to fucking stop the chodeversation before attraction.

- I think high fiving is a really good way to start getting escalation and physicality

- I don’t want to fucking hear nice to meet you ever again that shit is like hearing nails on a chalkboard

- Hand of god is dope

- When it is the twilight hour, lead more aggressively and convey intent more than you did before.

FR 8/30

I went out with a new wing named Leo in Denver. He’s super good at this stuff and it’s a joy to game with him. I made some mistakes that he didn’t really and I feel like I have a lot I can learn from him when it comes to not giving a fuck.

I rolled up to Viewhouse in Denver and Leo was there chilling outside waiting for me. We saw that the line was super long so we decided to check out some of the bars across the street instead. We realized that we needed some money to get inside these places so we walked up to the ATM. Leo started a conversation with two girls at the ATM. One was pretty and the other was kind of ugly and acting racist about the bouncer. I was still feeling sort of in my head at this time and not saying much, but I also felt like it was weird to be around such racist people. That’s a boundary of mine that I don’t want to have to break, I won’t sleep with a racist girl. Leo seemed to be having a blast bullshitting with them, and so it was good that he was getting a warm up at least. I wonder if I could have winged him here and hooked him up with the cuter girl, but I wasn’t attentive and thoughtful enough at this point in the night to actually work that out in the moment. We ended up ejecting and wandering for a second, before we headed back to see if we could get girls to get us into Viewhouse. We could only get in with girls here because there were separate guys and girls lines for some reason. 

We walked back across the street and Leo was not giving a single fuck and talking to lots of girls, asking them if they were going into Viewhouse to see if we could hitch a way into there. I was impressed with his balls but thought that the plan was probably not going to work (maybe this was a self fulfilling prophecy?). He started talking to two seated girls by crouching down and speaking with them while they sat and ate. I wasn’t sure if this was the best body language to take, but it seemed like things were pretty on with his girl (it was a two set) so I started talking to the other girl. I learned that she was in a sorority and asked her various things about it after making some jokes. Perhaps I was being too questioning and partially judgmental here, but then again I truly think sororities are pretty dumb and that probably came across. She seemed like she really wanted to leave, so she ended up grabbing the friend and pulling her to the pizza stand to find their other friends. I probably could have played that better if I was more warmed up and more riffing on my own things that I find interesting, that would have been more entertaining. 

After this, Leo talked to some girls and convinced them to try and walk us into the girls only line in Viewhouse. We tried and got rejected by the bouncer. Getting in was looking more hopeless. It would be cool to establish better relationships with the bouncers there so that we can avoid that in the future. We decided to check out the gin mill because that had no cover and Leo wasn’t interested in paying one. We walked in and it was looking pretty ratchet. There were two girls seated at a table and Leo walked up opening one of the girls. I went up to the other one and started chatting but it seemed kind of like it was a dying interaction. They were seated and looked sort of hot but flustered and bitchy. We could have probably done a better job of bringing the fun, or maybe we should have been icier. That set ended when Leo started saying bye to the girl he opened and walking off as if she had said no thank you to him or something. 

We continued walking around the bar when we saw two other cute girls. I can’t remember how we got into conversation with them but it seemed like they were about to bail on us when Leo told them that I was his boyfriend or something. This was interesting because a lot changed immediately and the girls were hooked and talking to us. I would never try this or use this as a strategy normally because it seems to me like the only reason you would lie like that is because you aren’t truly comfortable with yourself. That being said, it helped me get into a bit of a better mind set and I liked talking to that girl I was with a lot. We had a bunch in common and she was very hot. Saying you’re gay is an interesting strategy to use to get some momentum going to situations where things haven’t quite taken off yet in the night. The girls got pulled away by some guy shortly after this. Leo said that those guys were their boyfriends.

We went outside to see if we could make something happen. I think I opened the next group but I’m not sure. I was talking to a cute girl but she was totally silent and not responding. The only girl responding in this group was not a looker and I wasn’t interested sexually. Leo was talking to some girl behind her for a second but it looked like that died out and he got into the set with quiet girl, gross girl, and I. This was quickly becoming a waste of time for us and I was tired of being in that situation. After a minute or two I realized that this shit was a waste of time and went and pulled on Leo to leave, saying that we should find hotter girls. We rolled out after he got their instagrams or something. I did a good job of realizing that it was time to bounce here.

After this we went back to try to get into Viewhouse a bit more. It wasn’t working out. Leo even started chatting with some girls that tried to get us in via the girls line, but unfortunately the bouncer was not letting us in there. After a few times we realized that this was hopeless and decided to try Neon Baby, a new club. We hiked in there and headed upstairs. I saw a cute set of two girls sitting on the couch and told Leo we should approach them. He said he would support me so I opened the one on the left side. She was a super hot latina girl and I into her. She liked my direct approach and it hooked. Leo’s girl seemed like she liked him also. The logistics seemed okay on my end because she didn’t have anything to do tomorrow. We chatted for 20 minutes or so on either side of these girls. I was using a new technique called honest communication which is where you basically say whatever the truest thought that comes to your mind is with no filter. I really like that I think it helped with attraction a ton. Attraction just felt fluid and easy to get. 

I ended up escalating a lot physically with my girl and I felt like I should start testing for compliance. I told her let’s go get a drink but she said that she was already drunk enough and didn’t want to go. I feel like I should get better at leading because I hit road blocks at this step sometimes. Maybe if I was more aggressive this would be easier. Then I asked her if I could kiss her and she said no. She said that she hadn’t been with a man in two years. That’s pretty strange obviously but I thought I might be able to push through that. Which ended up being wrong. Perhaps I should have bailed here. That’s obviously a bad sign, but maybe I should have been more aggressive with my leading here also. 

After a bit more chatting, Leo got up to get a drink and I went to speak with him for a second. He informed me that his girl had a kid and a boyfriend,  and that she seemed super into her bf. The logistics got pretty bad for him here but he seemed heroically ready to wing for me. He is a fucking boss and I was glad that he was nice enough to act this way. It was truly an example of a guy putting their wing first and I was impressed. I was unsure about if I wanted the Latina girl though after I failed to get compliance and she disclosed that she was kind of wasted. 

We decided to go look for other girls in a connected bar. We walked in and Leo opened a girl on the dance floor. She was pretty cute and I started speaking with her friend. I was vibing with the friend while Leo was on his girl. I wasn’t’t sure if I liked the girl I was with but I wanted to wing for him. It started to end with the girl Leo was speaking to and the girl I was with and I were noticing. She was disconnecting from him a bit. Eventually, she grabbed the girl I was with and pulled her away. I was sort of ambivalent about this because I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to her anyway.

We pushed past the noisy and energetic dance floor and I opened an asian girl standing at the edge of the bar. She pulled out her phone and starting texting while I was talking to her. It was kind of lame and I didn’t like her look when I was up close. I ejected after 20 seconds or so because she was boring and unattractive. Leo and I walked back into Neon Baby. I saw a girl on the railing by the stairs. I had a sense that this girl on the railing’s boyfriend was the guy hovering next to her. Leo didn’t give a fuck and opened her anyway. I was impressed with how ruthless he is. I think that he was the boyfriend because the conversation ended pretty quick but Leo wasn’t shaken at all visibly.

We saw the girls that we had a 30 minute conversation with. Leo convinced them to go to Viewhouse with us. Maybe we could get in with them helping out? They were super cute. I thought it might be possible because it was around 1:30 at this time and the line might have been smaller. When we got there, Viewhouse was closed and not admitting anyone in. We took the girls to Tavern across the street. I was flirting with the cute Latina a bit on the way there but I felt that the logistics were probably fucked so it was just for funs. 

We got into Tavern and headed up the stairs. We had to wait a bit for the girls, but they eventually came up. When they went to the bathroom right after Leo and I decided to try to find new girls there. I think I got instant disinterest from some girl on the dance floor, and Leo started talking to someone. I did a reasonable job of not caring bout that rejection, I barely remember it now. His set seemed to be going okay so I chilled on the side for a second. I choded out a bit earlier at this venue admittedly when I walked right by some cute girls on the lower balcony. I missed that opportunity. 

I reconvened with Leo a little after and then I opened a set of some asian girls standing under the loud speaker. This set was pretty strange. I opened this girl that I found cute directly and Leo tried to wing me, but they were in a weird little corner and were hard to hear, speak to, and understand. I still talked to the girl I found cute for a little while, but she was not clearly into me and her friends were hovering right there awkwardly next to us. I tried to move the group to a place where we could hear each other but they were not trying to move. It was so annoying standing there that I was psyched to leave, especially with the shitty compliance (not moving). 

Leo and I reconvened next to the girls we had a long set with and spoke with them for another little while before they decided to bounce. The club was shutting down as it was 2AM and we had to leave at this point. We decided to try and do some outdoor sets. 

He opened a few walking girls but I didn’t really see anyone that I wanted, and those that I saw I wasn’t able to take action with. I was thinking that this is the time to be more assertive since it was late and people were ready for an emotional end to their night or whatever, but I wasn’t feeling super congruent with that and ended up not taking a lot of action. Leo and I decided to go get some pizza a few blocks away after things weren’t really panning out. 

We headed to the pizza place and Leo asked some cute girl in line something that I didn’t hear. She seemed to love his beard or something. We started talking to them and Leo managed to convince them to let us join them and cut the line to do so. That was pretty boss of him. I asked them how they all knew each other and two of the people turned out to be married. One of them was the girl Leo opened. The other girl that they were friends with was a really hot Latina and I sort of walked right up to her and started flirting with her. She asked how old I was and I told her I was 27. She said she was too old for me because she was 32 but I ignored that and kept talking. We started vibing and talking about random shit. I was using the new technique that I found out about earlier to just say random thoughts without any hesitation (honest communication), and again attraction came fast. She started digging me and we actually ended up doing a bit of salsa dancing in the pizza line. I thought that was pretty funny and she seemed more into me after that as I was able to tolerate the social pressure of people in line laughing at us and chanting at us to dance for the pizza. 

I think this was going really well but there was this guy hovering into the set the whole time and sort of getting her attention sometimes. I think it may have been her boyfriend but I was not sure. I failed to properly get her logistics and discern what I should be doing and make a plan here. This ended up costing me the opportunity to take this girl home because we split after the pizza line ended and she sat with her friends while I met up and talked with Leo again. In addition, I have been feeling bad about how I winged this set poorly. Maybe Leo wanted this girl and he opened the set. I failed to ask him who he wanted and what he was trying to do with that set. That was me being a shitty wing and I need to have the ability to look at the bigger picture and be better than that in the future. I’ll make sure to check in with my wing and see what they want to do with the set in the future.

Leo opened the final girl of the night. She was a cute blonde girl next to us. He was chatting with her and things ended up going pretty well. He asked if we could sit with her and she was into it. I sat next to her redheaded friend in a sweater. One of the first things I asked her was if she got that sweater from Bill Cosby. She said thanks, because now she knows that she should never wear that sweater again. I think starting with a funny douchey comment is pretty good actually as she seemed super interested. We had a bit of witty back and forth banter. This was kind of fun but I was unsure if I was into her and I was paranoid that she was fat under the sweater. I really didn’t want to take that risk because I have been catfished online so many times and I just don’t want that. This fear was sort of permeating my brain as I was speaking with her and discerning commonalities and logistics (which was a good instinct).

The logistics weren’t that bad, she had a wedding in Denver tomorrow. Unfortunately, my logistics were terrible as I had to get up in three hours to leave for a climbing trip. I didn’t have the desire to stick around any longer despite her being into me. I didn’t want to risk banging an ugly girl that I had nothing in common with. I told Leo that I wanted to bounce and asked him if he wanted to stay. He said he would roll with me and kindly gave me a ride home. In the car, he said we could have pulled those girls. Part of me regretted that we didn’t. Another part of me really didn’t want to take a risk with that redhead. In addition, I felt like I was a shitty wing again and that I could have tried to get Leo laid at least. But he chose to leave with me when he could have stayed. His girl was actually pretty cute honestly. One misconception that I had was that a guy sitting next to Leo was that girls boyfriend that he opened. This thought made it easier for me to want to bail. This was wrong. I need to remember to make decisions based on facts rather than assumptions and get logistics properly to wing properly. 

Thoughts / SP:

- I didn't drink at all and it was kind of awesome. I think that helped my emotional well being stay positive and fluid instead of crashing upon sobriety

- Make decisions based on facts, not assumptions as much as possible

- Have a bigger picture view as a wing to help your bro out as much as possible. The wing comes first.

- Starting with a funny douchey comment is pretty good sometimes

- Ask your wing what they want to do with the set

- Properly get logistics, and fast to not waste time

- Honest communication is fucking amazing and girls get mesmerized

- Take action even when not feeling congruent in the moment

- Relax in the face of it not working out, it’s just a time saver that gives you more time to find the girls that would work with you

- Become more assertive when leading to stop losing opportunities

- I’m getting better at leaving when it’s pointless to stay. Life is too short to waste. 

- Establish relationships with bouncers as much as possible

- Bringing the fun vs being an icy mofo with hot girls is an interesting paradox to explore more

Field Report - 8/29

This night was pretty wild. It was a Thursday night in Boulder, Colorado. 

Thomas and I arrive at Press Play after we drive up around 11 PM. We walk into the venue and I walk right up to smoking hot girl in a two set. I’m getting slightly better at killing my hesitation. I opened directly and then told her what my name was. She then said that I have the same name as her last name or something. Thomas was hovering around next to us. I need to make sure that we have established rules for winging with my wings in the future. He did a bunch of things that I would consider incorrect for a wing but he doesn’t know game. He’s sort of a natural. He’s really good at generating his own fun and that gets him attraction. 

She then ran away to be near some guy playing pool. Maybe if I was more commanding this would not have happened but who knows. The other girl was still there so I switched to her for a bit. This shit seems like it was kind of weak because I was unsure about if I was attracted to this girl. I have been trying to set a personal boundary of only hitting on girls I find attractive. As a result I was sort of half hitting on her and half just using her to get myself into a social mood. After we chatted for a few minutes with Thomas still hovering I tested for compliance by saying let’s get drinks. I moved us to the bar (got compliance) and then we just chatted instead of getting drinks. After a bit of this she said that she was going to go check in with her friends and that she was about to be right back. I ended up saying “OK see you later” and she let out a minor shriek. I think that this may have been her interpreting what I said as a rejection. Honestly, by this point I was still unsure of if I was attracted to her so I didn’t care and decided to move on.

I walked up to the next cute girl that I saw that was in a group of three. I opened direct and she immediately told me that she had a boyfriend. A weird thing happened after that though where she almost said I wish I didn’t have a boyfriend. She said that she loved my approach and that women need to be told stuff like that more often. It was super funny that it happened this way because Thomas had been asking me why opening direct works and what that means. He came into that set with her and I while she explained how awesome I was for doing that to Thomas so that shit was super funny and insightful. Ultimately, after some chatting we didn’t see any other good prospects in the bar, so we decided to bounce and check out the Pearl Street Pub.

We rolled into that motherfucker a short while later. To be honest, I saw a few attractive girls that I thought were very pretty. I missed a some opportunities and was feeling kind of lame about that. I have been using RSD Derek’s “champ over chump” idea to motivate myself and that was chump shit (the idea is that you ask yourself constantly is your current behavior that of a champ or a chump). I must have missed opportunities with 3 women because of choding out in those first few moments in the venue. We headed downstairs and Thomas challenged me to open a set of a man and a woman right next to me. He knew that I was working on getting better at opening mixed sets. In my mind it was obvious that they were together, but I just did that shit anyway because why the fuck not. I opened the girl and she looked perplexed and angry. The guy was actually pretty chill. I asked them if they were together and she said “obviously”. So I felt a spike from this, a smallish emotional spike of embarrassment. But I am super glad I did it because overall it wasn’t that bad. I was a bit affected but there is logically no reason for me to care about what any stranger thinks about me and that helped show me that I’ll be okay no matter what happens. 

After this we started walking up to the bar and I was about to approach a girl when Thomas beat me to the punch. The cunt finally got the balls to do an approach. I was part proud and part annoyed because that girl was hot. I ended up going upstairs where I saw a super cute girl who was kind of asian looking. This is exactly my type. I opened her directly, with her mixed set of friends hovering around. They were sort of standing there and I just ignored them because I was focused on the girl and squared up with her. We got into an interesting conversation and I was telling her about the research I was doing in neuroscience a while back. Right when I was picking up with that her friends yanked her and pulled her out the door. I am not sure what I can do about something like this. Maybe I should have gone with her and her friends? I think I probably could have moved her sooner or something. This kind of sucked. 

After that, I was feeling kind of nervous for a bit and sat outside and choded out again. There was a three set hovering around near by with a cute girl but I never got the balls to open her. There were some people I could have spoken to but I was feeling in my head and kind of scared. I ended up chilling outside for a sec to relax, I felt like I was losing control of my emotions. Then I got back in and met up with Thomas. He cheered me up by being ridiculous and asking some girls in red dresses if they were handmaids or something. We were laughing our asses off at their bizarre reactions.

I knew I needed to start taking action again so I approached a super cute girl walking in but I still felt kind of shitty and the conversation just died in like a minute. I think I was just losing it at this point. I think in this situation  can do a breathing exercise and try and relax my body to remember to stay unaffected by the surroundings. 

I knew that the way out of that shit is to take action. Thomas and I went downstairs and I walked up to a super cute blonde after he slapped my arm to get me back into my body. I approached her and I felt like my shit was more on point. I stepped a bit harder and with purpose and intent. She said she had a boyfriend so that sucked but overall it’s better that she said that because she saved me from wasting my time on her and trying to get her to cheat and shit. She was super nice and stayed and chatted for a second even.

After this we decided to change locations and go check out the Downer. We walked in and it was pretty fucking packed with people. The first girl that we saw was the friend that I switched to at the beginning of the night. Thomas said it would be funny if I reproached her so I said fuck it and did it. He sort of walked in right after me and then they started getting cuddly. I was feeling strange at this point because on the one hand I didn’t care much about this girl and was unsure if I was attracted. On the other hand Thomas came in and started trying to take the girl I opened. But then again he doesn’t know the rules, and overall I didn’t really want her, so I just walked away. It seems like he liked her, they were making out a short while later and he got her contact information. I think he could have pulled that night but he didn’t want to stay up late. 

While he was doing that I opened a cute asian girl that was walking by me. She stopped for a second and chatted with me. Then she went to say hi to her friend behind me while I was like “wait stay here” in a not boss enough way. I think that might have been the wrong call there. Maybe I looked needy or just like gay doing that. I think I should have just let her go and reopened after or been more masculine about it like “get back here after you say hi” or something. I was not proud of that but she still came back after saying hi so it seems like she was giving me another chance. We had a sort of boring conversation. I found out she was a computer science minor, which I like because I’m a programmer. I was trying to ask her about her interests and shit when her friend walked into the set with us. I’m not sure what to do in this situation, it seemed like the friend was just hovering and watching, which made it kind of strange to only address my girl. What do you do here? I mean the friend was kind of fat and gross so I don’t know if I could have found a guy for her. But since she wasn’t actually stopping things I assumed it was fine to just sort of address the girl I opened and her together a bit. But that may have made the frame less man to woman and more friend group. Hmm I think the best call would be to try and find a guy for the friend somehow. Anyway I was kind of being boring and asking too many questions and the shit died. I don’t know why my default shit to talk about is interview mode stuff. I need to snap out of that shit. Instead, I should rant about what I am interested in and just give less fucks about what the girl has going in her life until she is properly hooked.

After this, I approached a set of two girls standing in the middle of the floor. One was pretty cute and I opened her. It was sort of the same thing again with the friend standing right there and watching judgmentally the whole time. The shit died pretty quick and the girl I approached seemed kind of boring and was giving really short answers. I was probably boring her in all honesty. I need to just be more ranty, honest, and carefree. To be fair though, that doesn’t feel like an optimal scenario (the friend is right there standing quietly). I think it’s easier to do two sets when you have a wing there with you ready to occupy the other girl. Thomas was still on that so so girl though at this point. I shouldn’t rely on support though for every two set. There has got to be a better way to handle this. But maybe if I work more as a team with a wing this would be easier. 

Thomas and I saw that girl that he made out with and another girl leaving together. I was like oh shit maybe we can pull them and we ran up to try and talk to them again. I was like hey we should hang out. That shit was weak and did not work. I think in this situation it’s better to go in like a boss and be more physical. I also said some lame shit like “I don’t want to be creepy” which probably just made it more creepy. But it felt inherently creepy to go run up to two girls leaving the bar from behind them so I was trying to calibrate that shit. I guess if I was just a bit more dominant it would have been better. 

I then relaxed for a bit while Thomas finished up talking and making out. He walked over for me and we chatted for a bit before going outside to relax. I was getting fairly emotionally drained at this point. Outside, I spotted a cutish blonde girl on the phone alone and I approached. I was talking to her for a second but she kept talking about needing to find her friends, and I was not at all about that. I wasted enough time in the last field report helping a girl find her friends that I knew I didn’t want to deal with that shit.

We were pretty much ready to call it a night when we decided to do one last sweep through the venue. For some reason I was feeling pretty on point again. I went up to a cute girl sitting solo on a chair and opened. This ended up being like a 25 minute conversation where I had her laughing super hard and I was being witty and clever to make myself laugh. I told her I wanted to go to her house and read a bedtime story called a tale of two titties by Shakespeare. She said she was going to go home to hang with her cat and I was like do you want help feeding your cat. Her friend walked up and said why are you hitting on my wife, and I responded with I love lesbians. I was making myself laugh with that shit, but I think ultimately I was being too overtly sexual and I should have had the sense to tone it down. Also, I wasn’t varying my emotions enough, and I was stuck in the frame of making myself laugh. Being stuck in one place emotional spot conveys anxiety and not relaxation, which is what the girl really wants to see. She was sort of wavering really hard as I was trying to go home with her. It seemed to me like she was right up on the fucking fence and that I could have gotten her home if I played my cards better. I think that I should have toned down the sexuality and also maybe if I had more comfort with her that would have helped. I tested for compliance and that failed (let’s go get a drink) so that was a bad sign, and maybe I should have seen that coming. In addition, I needed to take the frame of marketing and not selling. I think I may have been trying to sell her too hard while I was trying to pull. This is a balance that is hard to attain. Ultimately, it was kind of lame to have a conversation for that long without getting pulling, but it was a great learning experience.

Thoughts/SP:

• Don’t be too overtly sexual
• Build more comfort if you have attraction and remember that attraction without compliance is bullshit
• Try to isolate faster
• Being stuck in one place emotional frame conveys anxiety and not relaxation
• I should rant about what I am interested in and just give less fucks about what the girl has going in her life until she is properly hooked.
• Take a breather when I am feeling overwhelmed, and perhaps do a relaxation exercise
• Establish a sense of teamwork with wings, tackle the two sets together
• Champ over chump is a good way to keep yourself on point

Learning What to Avoid FR

I went out last night to Denver. It was a Friday night. I’m trying to become better at this than I ever have been at this point. My current goal is to be someone who can cold approach effectively and pull 8’s and 9’s consistently. I want a solid rotation of them. This is no easy task obviously. Here is a summary of the night.

I drive to Denver and walk into La Rumba alone. I walked around for a bit aimlessly, too scared to talk to some of the pretty women I saw. As I did this I was regretting it. I need to start taking more initiative on my nights out and making a point to talk to more of women. There is only so much time that I have left in this world. I eventually get the balls to walk up to a girl and say hey. This approach was shit and I couldn’t even look her in the eye. I was kind of in my head. The guy next to her put up a block hand symbol to my face. I assumed they were together as he started walking away with her. Well, first approach down at least. I began taking some fucking action.

A few minutes later I saw a super beautiful woman standing alone behind me. I walked up to her and said “you’re very pretty, I had to come meet you”. I like opening direct, I feel like it’s congruent with my very transparent personality. We started chatting for a second and then she asked me how old I was. I told her I was 27 and this seemed to put her off. She was like “you are too young for me” immediately. I tried to plow through this but it kept coming up. She said she knew she looked young but that she actually had kids and was old. She kept saying that I was very cute but too young. It was impressive to see how much of a boundary this woman had. I think that she is probably right in a sense that I am too young for her because I would not be interested in helping out with this womans kids, I just wanted a one night stand, obviously. So if she isn’t into that then there would be no way for us to be together basically. She must have been looking for something serious. I wonder if I could have pushed through this, but I ultimately ended up asking her “is it a problem that I am younger?” And she said yes, so I said have a good night and walked off. I am not sure if the right thing to do in this case would be to stay in set until she leaves or not instead of leaving voluntarily, but I feel like that would be fucking weird if I stayed. I’m not sure honestly. 

After this, I salsa danced with a very cute girl that I saw. I have been learning salsa, I find that helps a lot with game because you have a natural way to escalate physically with any girl there without needing to talk. She was super hot with a not attractive friend. I think I kind of blew it after the song ended because I stood there kind of confused instead of taking initiative to move our interaction forward. I need to avoid that in the future after I dance. I should move more quickly to get our interaction more cemented. 

Then I ended up sort of hanging around La Rumba stupidly and not talking to women. I didn’t see very many opportunities and I was getting sort of bored. I decided to go meet up with a new wing at a club close by called the Temple. I headed there and then got in and met up with him. I chatted with him for a bit and he seemed like a solid guy. We went in to go do some sets. He took me to the rap room and he opened a two set standing between two columns. The girl he chatted with was decently cute, so I decided to talk to the other one to wing him. I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to my girl or not. As I chatted with this girl, it turned out we had a lot of commonalities and she seemed to be loving me. I didn’t really feel any attraction growing for her though. It was kind of dwindling for me and I felt like I wanted to get out of there to go find a better girl for me. Leo came back and I used that as a way to eject. We then decided to go check the outside to see what was out there. I saw a really sexy girl. I decided to approach her.

I walked up to her and told her that she was really pretty and I had to meet her. She was loving it and I had about 15 seconds of conversation with her until some tattooed guy emerged from hanging by the wall next to us. He started talking to me and so I had to engage because it was awkward with him standing right there and staring at me, and I figured he was the boyfriend by then. I asked him how they all know each other and he explained that he was in fact the boyfriend, so we exchanged some pleasantries and I wished them a good night and left. 

I went back into the club and saw this hottie asian girl standing by herself near the corner of the rail on the second floor of the club. I approached her with my standard line and she was seeming to be into it. I thought she was really cute and I asked her where she was from and she said Nederland. I assumed she meant the Nederland near Boulder. This misunderstanding cost me some time unfortunately. I assumed she lived 25 minutes away from my house in Boulder (in Nederland), but in reality she lived in the Netherlands in Amsterdam. I spent another 30 minutes hanging with her in the club while she was obsessively thinking about finding her friends. That shit was lame as fuck. I don’t really care about her goal to find her friends and I was getting bored by this constant thought of hers. Finally we went outside and could hear each other. This was when I realized that she was actually from the Netherlands and had a flight back at 7am in the morning. The logistics were far worse than I realized for pulling her. Besides that, when I told her that I wanted to take her home she not reciprocating interest in that. This was a dying interaction at this point. It was confusing because she seemed totally into me escalating physically and stuff. When I asked her if she wanted me to stay she said she wasn’t sure. This uncertainty is a bad sign. Maybe this is a sign that I should take more seriously later. I want the girls who are sure. I tried to push and make shit happen. I was wondering if I could push it in my favor given that she was ok with being physical with me and legit not sure. Eventually, she was like I’m gonna go find my friends now. I was kind of okay with that and ready to move on. I wasted a bunch of time here which was lame. I think I need to screen harder and faster for girls with more interest in getting pulled, and ramp attraction harder. 

The last set that I did was a girl that I saw in the rap room. She was a sexy Thai girl. We locked eyes for like 2 seconds and she looked away and went to the bar. I felt that it was on so I went up to her and did my typical approach. She was happy to speak with me and seemed turned on, but she told me that she was married with kids. She said her husband was away on a trip. I asked her if they were monogamous and she said yes. That was kind of a bummer because she seemed super down. I was like could I still pull this girl? I didn’t know, but I felt that the answer was probably no. I tested her compliance by asking if she wanted to go outside for a second. I probably just should have been more authoritative and moved her, but I don’t know if that would have worked anyway because her friends were in the rap room and she didn’t want to leave them. The compliance test failed basically. Then she asked me if I wanted to dance, and I was down because she was damn hot. I danced with her for like 6 or 7 songs and she was grinding me. I was super into that, but I think ultimately this was another waste of time because she was fucking married with kids. Her friends were right there judging and acting sort of weird about it also, they were two unfit lesbian women and one of them seemed sort of angry (pushed me very hard while I was dancing on my girl). The club was getting shut down at this point and I said bye to her and left. Perhaps I could have pushed harder, but I don’t know if I could have convinced her friends to be okay with this. Seems like this shit was a waste of time ultimately that could have been avoided. I then left and went home because I had an ankle sprain throughout all this shit and it was beginning to really hurt.

Thoughts/SP:

- When dancing with girls, make sure to take initiative after the song ends
- Screen harder to find out if a girl is interested romantically sooner
- Be willing to ditch sooner if things seem like a waste of time
- Logistics are key, make them the priority
- Lead harder
- Do more approaches, have no shame